I Wish

I wish there was
something I could say
something I could do
to make everything better...okay

I wish there was
a way
a will
a word
a wand...
fairy dust even that I could sprinkle
before your footsteps

I wish I held
the key
the code
the recipe
the potion
I'd brew batches of Freedome, Peace of Mind, and Solace

I wish I was a new-aged superhero
that patrolled the world of emotions
Every time the sadness phone rang
I'd dispatch all of my angels
to comfort you
to lay with you
to nurse you back to yourself
back to wholeness

I wish that my wishes would
that my wishes could
contain the power
the faith
that was contained in the mustard seed
the kind of mustard seed that grew back in the biblical days

I wish...

© 2005 Blackgold347

From The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

“You haven't yet opened your heart fully, to life, to each moment. The peaceful warrior's way is not about invulnerability, but absolute vulnerability--to the world, to life, and to the Presence you felt. All along I've shown you by example that a warrior's life is not about imagined perfection or victory; it is about love. Love is a warrior's sword; wherever it cuts, it gives life, not death.”
-Dan Millman from The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

The Divine Art of Making Friends

From Man's Eternal Quest by Paramahansa Yogananda

The Divine Art of Making Friends
"Friendship is the noblest human expression of God's desire to show His love to man. God showers affection on the baby through the father and mother; their feeling for the infant is inborn, because our Creator has ordained that our parents can't ehlp but love us. But frienship comes to us as a free, impartial expression of His love.

Two strangers meet, and by an instantaneous choice of their hearts they wish to help each other. Have you ever analyzed how this happens? The spontaneous mutual desire to be friends comes directly from God's divine law of attraction; cumulatively mutual acts of friendship between two souls in past lives gradually create a karmic bond that irresistibly attracts them to each other in this life."

From Osho's love, freedom, aloneness: The Koan of Relationships

Grace lay on the psychiatrist's couch.
"Close your eyes and relax," said the shrink, "and I will try an experiment."
He took a leather key case from his pocket, flipped it open and shook the keys. "what did that sound remind you of?" he asked.
"Sex," she whispered.
Then he closed his key case and touched it to the girl's upturned palm. Her body stiffened.
"And that?" asked the psychiatrist.
"Sex," Grace murmured nervously.
"Now open your eyes," instructed the doctor, "and tell me why what I did was sexually evocative to you."
Hesitantly, her eyelides flickered open. Grace saw the key case in the psychiatrist's hand and blushed scarlet.
"Well-- er -- to begin with," she stammered, "I thought that first sound was your zipper opening..."

Your mind is constantly projecting-- projecting itself. Your mind is constantly interfering with reality, giving it a color, shape, and form that are not its own. Your mind never allows you to see that which is; it allows you to see only that which it wants to see.

Thoughts

Today while driving in DC near the Washington Monument I saw a deer standing on an area of grass between 14th and 15th streets. The streets were buzzing with cars and people... I guess tourists in town for the holidays. Police officers were on the scene as if to contain the deer and edge it back to the middle of the grass and away from cars/traffic in every direction.

The deer was clearly out of place in the midst of all the cars. But what are they, the animals supposed to do... where are they to go when keep taking and tearing down their natural habitat to build apartments and roads and strip malls and homes? I had a feeling of sadness as I passed by and saw what was happening. I hoped that it didn't end with the deer losing its life as a result of getting shot by police or getting hit by a car.

Today I also saw a family of three taking pictures in the midst of swarms and swarms of pigeons. For some reason I was touched to see them pose. It was important to them that they capture that moment. How nice...capturing and freezing moments... memories.

What purpose does memory serve? Hopefully we learn... hopefully we learn what to do and what not to do to preserve life. We wouldn't be here if our ancestors didn't have memory. What else does memory do? Just something I'm thinking about at this moment.

What gives a place, a location the feeling, the energy it has? New York is New York. It's distinct from other places. Is it the people? Is it the energy in the land itself? Is it the blood, the tears, the dreams from days old that the land holds that makes the place unique? It's probably all of that and many other things that I can even fathom.

More thoughts later...

I haven't been focused enough to write anything in a while. I've been pretty distracted by what feels like negative energies around me. My energies have gone into warding off the negative. Trying not to be consumed by it. It's tough living with and constantly being around people who are unhappy for one reason or another. That has always had a draining affect on me.

This time of year...it's supposed to be a happy time, but many feel nothing but sadness as a result of lack, physical/material and emotional lack. Maybe it's the time off from work and the lack of structure that that forces some to face. Yep, it's true. Although many people don't like their jobs, it is what they do consistently and they know what to expect. Some people don't deal well with the unexpected, and they haven't figured out that they need to create the structure they need. I am one that does well with structure, but I've learned a bit about knowing what I need to do to create the structure I need. I don't always do it, but I do know that I need to do it when I don't have it.

Happiness is a choice for many. That isn't the case for everyone due to biochemical reasons and/or belief systems that tell the individual that something external/outside of themselves has to happen before they can be/experience happiness. I once heard a preacher say that "Happiness is dependent upon the happenings. Joy is an inside job." I can't remember who said it... I just know that it didn't originate with me. His point was that we shouldn't strive for happiness because it is dependent on things that are outside of us, and since things outside of us change so much our moods would fluctuate depending upon what some one else is or isn't doing. Joy comes from within... Where the most high God resides.

I do wonder about the statement though. How much do we need to bring with us? How much positivity? How much of the good stuff? Is it unwise and unhealthy to be overly dependent upon others to make us happy, or feel good?

For as long as I remember I believe that my happiness, my feeling good is my responsibility. Not everyone feels that way, and they will always be slaves to their needs, wants, desires and others. That is what I believe to be so.

Bloomberg's Word Choice Still Under Fire - Yahoo! News

Bloomberg's Word Choice Still Under Fire - Yahoo! News: "NEW YORK - Four days after the city's transit strike ended, Mayor Michael Bloomberg was still coming under fire for his use of the word 'thuggishly' to describe the actions of the leaders of a union that is mostly minority.
ADVERTISEMENT

'Michael Bloomberg, don't be nasty and mean,' attorney Norman Siegel said Monday, standing on the steps of City Hall. 'Be positive. Together, we can improve race relations in New York.'"

free my heart

ecclesiastes: free my heart

the sun rises and the sun goes down
and hastens back to the place where it rose
that from thence it may rise again
finding all things wearisome unsatisfied
my eyes not satisfied with seeing,
my ears unsatisfied with hearing
wondering of that which is now
that which has been
and that which is to be
for my time on earth i pay so dearly
for my past
confusion embraces my heart
for to know self is to forgive self
on my sojourn of truth

free my heart, so my soul may fly
free my mind,
of my worldly wants and desires
i look towards heaven
with my arms open wide
take my hand, come and take my hand

sadness fills my heart
too weak to get by,
slave to discontentment and self-pity
one generation passes
and another generation comes
but change abides forever
i come forth from my mother's womb
and naked shall i return
to the earth to go as i came
taking nothing of this supposed worldly gain
i'm so ready to go

free my heart, so my soul may fly
so my soul may fly
free my mind,
of my worldly wants and desires
i look towards heaven
with my arms open wide
take my hand, come and take my hand

free my heart, so my soul may fly
so my soul may fly
free my mind,
of my worldly wants and desires
i look towards heaven
with my arms open wide
yes i do
take my hand, come and take my hand

come and take my hand

heaven awaits me
life everlasting

heaven awaits me
life everlasting

free my heart, so my soul may fly
so my soul may fly
free my mind,
of my worldly wants and desires
of my worldly wants and desires
i look towards heaven
with my arms open wide
i'm so ready
take my hand, come and take my hand
i'm so ready to go

free my heart, so my soul may fly
fly
free my mind,
of my worldly wants and desires
i look towards heaven
with my arms open wide
come and take my hand
take my hand, come and take my hand

come and take my hand, baby
come and take my hand
come and take my hand
free my heart baby

come and take my hand

free my heart
come and take my hand baby.

©1996 Revolutionary Jazz Giant/
Nomad Noman Music administered by
Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp.
Rite and Ruff BMI

Words: Me'Shell NdegéOcello
Music: Me'Shell & Torri Ruffin

The Way

My song today... I've been thinking about this song for a few days. I listen to it in the morning while preparing for work.


the way
by Meshell Ndegeocello

jesus cured the blind man
so that he could see the evils of the world
perchance blindness is but a dark thought,
overcome by the light

maybe judas was the better man
and mary made a virgin just to save face
i too am so ashamed on my bended knees
prayin' to my pretty white jesus

they say you're the way the light
the way
the light is so blinding
so blinding
am i not to question
your followers condemn me
condemned
your words are used to enslave me
hear my prayer
hear my prayer
my sweet jesus
my father
my jesus
my...
i heard that you could save me

dear brother john
convinced himself of his wisdom to judge,
to forgive, to condemn
mother mary full of grace
i'm so confused by her pale white face
god so loved the world he gave his only son
while many mothers bear children
martyrs of greed and bitter love
while the so called chosen, they make war
so many die in the name of god
their faith at a closed door

they say you're the way the light
the way
the light is so blinding
so blinding
am i not to question
your followers condemn me
condemned
your words are used to enslave me
hear my prayer
hear my prayer
my sweet jesus
my father
jesus
my lord
i, i heard that you could save me
my sweet
my sweet jesus
jesus
my father

the way
so blinding
condemned
hear my prayer

na na na na na - hey
gotta mighty mighty love
na na na na na - hey
gotta mighty mighty love
na na na na na - hey

they say you're the way the light
the way
the light is so blinding
so blinding
am i not to question my thoughts
your followers condemn me
condemned
your words are used to enslave me
hear my prayer
have you forsaken me?
have you forsaken me?

they say you're the way the light
the way
yeah
the light is so blinding
so blinding
tell me why
your followers condemn me
condemned
your words
the slave goes before me
hear my prayer
have you forsaken me?
have you forsaken me?
my sweet jesus
my father

i heard that you could save me
my lord
my sweet
my sweet jesus
my father
jesus
i heard that you could save me
heard that you could save me
deliver us from sin
save me, save me,
jesus
heard that you could save me
i heard that you could save me
jesus
my sweet
my sweet
save me, save me,
jesus
heard that you could save me
i heard that you could save me
my sweet
my sweet
save me, save me,
jesus
heard that you could save me
my lord
i, i heard that you could save me
heard that you could save me
my sweet
jesus
save me, save me,
heard that you could save me
they say that you can save me
my sweet
jesus
save me, save me,
heard that you could save me.

©1996 Revolutionary Jazz Giant/
Nomad Noman Music administered by
Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp., BMI

Media Matters - Most outrageous statements of 2005

Media Matters - Most outrageous statements of 2005: "Most outrageous statements of 2005

Here are the most outrageous statements Media Matters for America has documented this year. From attacks on women, Muslims, and African-Americans to a call for the assassination of a foreign leader to an open invitation for Al Qaeda to 'blow up' San Francisco to a claim that gay marriage would lead to unions between 'a man and his donkey,' these statements acutely represent the extreme conservative speech we found in the news media in 2005. (We tried to limit the comments to a Top 10 list, but it was simply impossible.)"

Schwarzenegger's Name Removed From Stadium - Yahoo! News

Schwarzenegger's Name Removed From Stadium - Yahoo! News: "VIENNA, Austria - Officials in
Arnold Schwarzenegger's hometown quietly removed his name from a soccer stadium overnight, complying with the California governor's demand in a bitter dispute over his death penalty stance."

'Impeachment' Talk, Pro and Con, Appears in Media at Last - Yahoo! News

'Impeachment' Talk, Pro and Con, Appears in Media at Last - Yahoo! News: "Suddenly this week, scattered outposts in the media have started mentioning the 'I' word, or at least the 'IO' phrase: impeach or impeachable offense.

The sudden outbreak of anger or candor has been sparked by the uproar over revelations of a White House approved domestic spying program, with some conservatives joining in the shouting."

The Official Kwanzaa Web Site - Kwanzaa African American Celebration of Family, Community and Culture by Maulana Karenga

The Official Kwanzaa Web Site - Kwanzaa African American Celebration of Family, Community and Culture by Maulana Karenga

A Call to Compassion Unites Distant Kindred Spirits

A Call to Compassion Unites Distant Kindred Spirits: "A Call to Compassion Unites Distant Kindred Spirits
Va. Woman Says God Led Her to S. African's Plight

By Richard Morin
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, December 25, 2005; Page A01

Her friends urge Toni Gragg to repeat the story she told them of how a 55-year-old nearly blind woman from Soweto, South Africa, came to stay with her family in Leesburg."

Holiday Greetings!

Season's Greetings...Chakras -N-Stardust

I want 2 send out

I want 2 send out love & prayers for all the service women & men who are away from their loved ones during this season of family

The Sims 2

I'm probably going to need rehab for my Sims 2 habit. It's a shame...I've been playing this game all day. I am taking a break now... leaving the house...stepping away from the computer.

It's been fun though! LOL

See! They even meditate in the game...looks like yoga, but it's meditation.

Lawdy, lawdy...I know, I know!

Up Too Early

Why is this my first day off from work and I am up at 5 something a.m.? That ain't right! Hopefully, I can force myself to lay down and nap...close the eyelids and shut the brain off (stop thinking) so I can relax.

The L Word Season Three Premiere Events -HRC | HRC

HRC | HRC: "The L Word Season Three Premiere Events

Join the Human Rights Campaign and Showtime for The L Word Season Three premiere events! Check back often for updates as more cities are added.

Please join the Human Rights Campaign and Showtime for The L Word Season Three Premiere!

Washington, DC location!
Date:
Sunday, January 8, 2006
Click image for full-sized version
Time:
» Doors Open: 6:30 p.m.
» Show Begins: 8:00 p.m.
An after party will be held after the screening.
Place:
H20
Address:
800 Water Street SW
Washington, DC
Admission:

» Admission to screening is free and open to the public. You must be 18+ to attend.
» A $10 after party donation to HRC is suggested.
For More Info:
Email TheLWord@hrc.org
Special Note:

Join thousands of L Word fans around the nation as HRC and Showtime kick off The L Word’s hottest season yet!"
click link to see find location near you!

Home

Thank you Lord, I am home now. My last meeting was cancelled so I made my way home. Traffic wasn't bad because it was earlier than rush hour.

I'm going to shove my work bags into the garage so I don't have to look at them and be reminded of work. All of me is so happy to be home. So happy to be able to sleep a little later and not move unless I feel like it.

Wow...I almost can't believe it.... I'm home and off for a whole lot of days.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Thursday

Early Morning
~I'm dreaming about people that I haven't spoken to or seen in a while. I guess that is good, signaling the time for a visit or communications.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other thoughts/impressions~

It is better to do something because that is what the Creator/your higher self/etc. has put on your heart to do. Don't do it to get anything back. There is a principle of cause and effect that operates in the Universe, but we can't be wedded to the effect. We can't be wedded to the outcome. We might miss the real blessing, the intended gift to ourselves if we are narrowly focused and expecting things to look like this or that. That is a good lesson to learn.... Do, give, be, but don't be wedded to the outcome. Our focus, our result can be miniscule and the Universes might be Grander, more brilliant in color, texture, scope!

Although it's morning...The Prince song It's Gonna Be A Beautiful Night feels right at this moment. The energy of it... It's a Live version... (at least I think it is, hmm) It's a long one too. I'd rather hear it, but for now I'll read. Maybe we will listen on the drive to work this morning.

It's Gonna be a Beautiful Night

(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
(groove!)
(drop out them horns)

It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night
U got your world together
Everything's lookin' alright
Tonight there's no tomorrow
This is gonna be the one (alright, Paris, we gonna see how)
Tonight we're gonna lose our sorrow (soulful you are, are you ready?)
Tonight we're gonna have some fun (come on, say it...)

(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (keep singin, y'all)
(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (verse, clap your hands)

Little boy got the notion, get some love tonight
Get yo rap in motion, 4 she out o' sight
Little girl at the party,
maybe she'd like 2 dance
Ring around the rosie (Paris, are you ready?)
Pocket full of chance (horns, do it)

(Oh-we-oh-oooh) (sing it, y'all)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night
(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (guitars and drums, groove)
(dance, come on)
They say that there's nothing's better
Than sleeping on a rainy day
We could spend the night together
Come on baby what U say?

It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night, oh
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night, oh
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night, oh
It's gonna be a beautiful, beautiful night (say it)

No time 4 politics, no we don't wanna fight
Everybody get up, it's gonna be a beautiful night
No time 4 sorrow, this is gonna be the one
Tonight there's no tomorrow
Tonight we're gonna have some fun (Are you ready Paris?)

(Oh-we-oh-oooh) (say it, y'all)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (c'mon)
(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (two times)

We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
We are beautiful, it's gonna be a beautiful night
(Paris, say it once more time, uh!)

(Oh-we-oh-oooh) (say it)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (night, y'all, yeah)
(Oh-we-oh-oooh)
It's gonna be a beautiful
It's gonna be a beautiful night (just the drums, just the drum -- Bobby)

(Oh-we-oh-oooh) {{repeated in the background}}

Everybody get way down,
Tonight we're gonna ball
Tonight we're gonna get the bomb, y'all
I'm talkin' 'bout the Detroit crawl

Everybody in the west
Everybody in the east
[Every man I'll injure]
With my chicken grease
Get with it

(one more)

(are you ready Paris - Soul Clap)
(ah yeah, ah yeah)

(gimme the bass, gimme the bass, one time)

Said the table 2 the chair
"You can hardly be aware
How I suffer from the heat
And from chillblains on my feet!
If we took a little walk
We might have a little talk!
Pray let us take the air!"
Said the table to the chair (can't nobody)

Said the chair to the table
"Now you know we are not able! (fuck with us)
How foolishly you talk
When you know we cannot walk!" (can't nobody)
Said the table with a sigh
"It can do no harm to try (fuck with us)
I've as many legs as you
Why can't we walk on two?" (say, can't nobody)

So they both went showly down (fuck with us)
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound (can't nobody)
As they toddled round and round
And everybody cried
As they hastened to their side (fuck with us)
"See the table and the chair
Have come 2 take the air!" (y'all - say it y'all)

But in going down an alley
To a castle in the valley
They completely lost their way
And wandered all the day
Till, to see them safely back
They paid a ducky-quack
And a beetle and a mouse
Who took them to their house.

When they whispered to each other
"O delightful little brother! (can't nobody fuck with us)
What a lovely walk we've taken!
Let us dine on beans and bacon!"
So the ducky and the little browny- (say it, y'all)
mousey and the beetle dined,
And danced upon the heads
Till they toddled to their beds. (can't nobody fuck with us)
Good God [repeated in the background]

Revolution, baby way down low
beautiful night, y'all say it
beautiful night, y'all say it
say what a beautiful night, y'all say it
beautiful night, y'all say it
come on

(oh-we-oh-ooh)
say it
(oh-we-oh-ooh)
say it louder, y'all
(oh-we-oh-ooh)
say it louder, y'all
(oh-we-oh-ooh)
Miko, Miko, hit me in the back with funk

beautiful night, y'all say it
beautiful night, y'all say it
everbody feelin' alright, y'all say it
gonna be a beautiful night, y'all say it
everybody, (oh-we-oh-ooh, oh-we-oh-ooh)
say it (oh-we-oh-ooh, oh-we-oh-ooh)
say it (oh-we-oh-ooh, oh-we-oh-ooh)
(oh-we-oh-ooh, oh-we-oh-ooh)

get the horns in here

keep singin' y'all

everybody clap your hands
everybody clap your hands

everbody, groove, come on

Confusion!

Yeah!

©1987 Controversy Music - ASCAP

Dear BG,

"The Winter Solstice on December 21st is the turning point in the light cycle of the year. For the Northern latitudes, it's the longest night of the year... followed by ever lengthening days, as the Sun climbs higher and higher above the horizon. Hooray! Out of darkness and into the light we go.

Because Winter Solstice signifies the completion of a yearly cycle, it is considered to be a good time for spiritual examination. Some ancient cultures believed that the dark nights of winter were when the veil between the spirit world and the living world was the thinnest... making the Winter Solstice the best time of year to meditate on hidden energies – the seeds lying dormant within the earth and within ourselves.

A great way to celebrate the return of the Sun... and affirm your connection to the growing and healing power of the light... is to give yourself a traditional 11-card Celtic Cross Tarot reading. Use this reading to reflect on what you've learned over the past year... and how you can use that wisdom to grow some more. Or ask the cards to shine their light on some question or concern on your mind right now.

In the spirit of this unique annual Solstice event, we've chosen Sun cards from four of our favorite decks to kick off your reading. Think of your question or concern and then click on the card below that resonates most with you. (Remember, on Tarot.com you can change decks on the fly anytime during your reading.) "

Tomorrow Today Thoughts

I am so thankfull that tomorrow is Thursday, our last day before the Winter Break. I'm crawling to the finish line. The cases this week have been very intense, very emotional. Domestic violence, child physical and emotional abuse. Parents feeling pressure, lack, sadness that they don't have enough...Students acting out, not doing anything in school...parents keeping their children out of school because they need them to help them move about the house because of pain... And there's more.... Soooooo many in crisis, so many in pain. It's left me drained, so drained. I wish I was a construction worker right about now.

The work that I'm doing at this time is purposefull though. It's the helplessness that kind of gets me. I have to do all I can do and turn it over to others, Turn it over to God.

Today I'm observing myself. Paying attention to how bright and light I feel. At times, low... I'm so thankfull for the people in my life. They keep me going. I can't wait to see my brother. I can't wait to hug my nephews, laugh with my sister, and hear my mom tell how glad she is to see me. Having a place, having a role, having a function and knowing it means so much when things aren't going so well. The safety net, those that catch you... those that keep you from falling. Thank you!

Acupuncture was the best today. I caught myself right at the moment I was about to fall asleep. It was so relaxing today. I wish that I could have rented the room and slept until I was ready to go home. The commute woke me right on up! It took and hour and a half. That's not right! We gotta do something about the traffic...I don't see any hope in sight, unfortunately. They just keep building and building houses and no new roads. The roads they are working on take at least 5 years to build...

Assumptions... I don't want to make any. It's so tempting for all of us, but we must refrain. Got to!!!! I'm choosing the thought, choosing the reaction, choosing the feeling. Everything is relative. It's all relative.

Last night I dreamed about my bestest closest friend from graduate school. I haven't spoken to her in about a year and a half. In my dream, I saw her and started to cry. I felt close to her like Forrest and Jenny when they were kids. I'm sure it's still that way. It's just like that with some people. You catch up right where you left off without missing a beat.

There is no need for me to be afraid. No need for fear. My friend I spoke with earlier today ...There is no need for you to feel insecure. Challenge the feeling, confront it and tell yourself what to feel. It will all be fine. Just don't run away... I know that's the inclination. Observe it in yourself, and tell yourself what you are going to do.

Wow...sad penguins... a baby penguin is missing and the parents are moping. If someone stole the penguin please return it to the zoo.

Go Elton!!!!!

Maybe more ramblings later...

I need to find this for my mp3 player. If I had this song, I'd be listening to it now... I would listen to the guitar, listen to his voice, not the words he sings, but just the sound of his voice...the texture of it.

Castles Made of Sand by Jimi Hendrix

Down the street you can hear her scream "you're a disgrace"
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbors start to gossip and drool
He cries "Oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?"
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green

And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually

A little indian brave before he was ten,
Played wargames in the woods with his indian friends
And he built up a dream that when he grew up
He would be a fearless warrior indian chief
Many moons past and more the dream grew strong until
Tomorrow he would sing his first warsong and fight his first battle
But something went wrong, surprise attack killed him in his sleep that night

And so castles made of sand melts into the sea, eventually

There was a young girl, whos heart was a frown
'Cause she was crippled for life,
and she couldn't speak a sound
And she wished and prayed she could stop living,
So she decided to die
She drew her wheelchair to the edge of the shore
And to her legs she smiled "you won't hurt me no more"
But then a sight she'd never seen made her jump and say
"look a golden winged ship is passing my way"

And it really didn't have to stop, it just kept on going...

And so castles made of sand slips into the sea, eventually

Falling Out of Grace

From Falling Out Of Grace by Sobonfu Some'

In the Dagara tradition, Spirit brings the lessons of life through falls from grace. Crisis comes as the instigator of change; it takes you to somewhere new, where you find a higher meaning and purpose. If you are going to learn and grow, you can't just be stuck in a particular place. Crisis breaks you out and creates the space for Spirit to teach you. This breaking away from a place of stagnation, a place of comfort, and moving forward to a more perfect way is what we call a spiritual life.

Fixed

I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but my new laptop has been fixed/repaired. Sounds weird...new- fixed. Yes, it had a malfunction two weeks after I got it. The palm rest was replaced and it seems to be ALL Good!!! I didn't know the palm rest had so much stuff attached to it. There are so many wires and plugs hooked to that thing it ain't funny. There were about 50 million screws.

Well, so far so good.

:)

Today was my first day out since having my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday. Valium and laughing gas are the BEST!!! If I didn't have appointments scheduled I probably would have stayed in an extra day. Today was fine though! We had a holiday luncheon at work...that was cool too! I love how nice people are this time of year!!!

I'm feeling a little tired now. I guess that happens after laying up for a weekend. You never really think about how much energy it takes to heal the body. I figured- the wisdom teeth?- zapping my energy? But the body, mind and spirit are constantly trying to maintain balance, homeostasis. The body must repair and get used to losing a part of itself. Yes, even little old wisdom teeth. Does that make me less wise, losing them? I still have the bottom ones, so maybe there's hope!

I probably need to rest up some more this evening. I want to get some reading in as well. I'm finding it difficult to focus at work. Maybe it's the time of year... no one is really too focused at work.

I am thankfull for love, loving and having people in my life that love me. I have never known what it is like to not be loved. It hasn't been a part of my experience. I sometimes feel lonely, but I always know that someone, many someones love me.

I pray that everyone creates the love they wish to have in their lives. Life is so wonderfull, even when it feels like it isn't so swell. We are so blessed to be here, sharing, giving, loving.
It's wonderfull!!! That is the feeling today. It could easily change tomorrow! Life, feeling, mood can be like that sometimes. I just have to remember what the truth is...what the constant is! The constant is I AM LOVED!!!

Mobile Blogging from bed... Who

Mobile Blogging from bed...

Who and/or what has your ethereal heart? Do you need to retrieve it in order to move forward?

Memory

I think back to times
that I've never had any
conscious memory of
only feelings
when I feel them now remind me
of the time that we must've spent together
Piercing, watching
the ripples of the waves...
it's sometimes hard to go
back to a place
so beautyfull,
a place that I've never been...
only in spirit
do I know this peace
only in spirit I travel back
to all of the days where two
spirits without names
made memory real
I'll meet you here
this bridge between times
this bridge between lives
it's in memory
that I see this joining again


an experiment of sorts....words/spirit evoked from memory/ mental/ images

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Oh my goodness, I'm trying to rest/relax in front of the television. I'm flipping channels and one of my favorite funny movies is on. Anchorman is hillarious! I had to get up from the couch to share... Will Ferrell is a funny guy.

Laughter is good medicine. That reminds me of Richard Pryor. Peace to you Richard!

From The Healing Wisdom of Africa
-Malidoma Patrice Some

The geography of human consciousness is very expansive, almost without limit. A shaman in my village once told me, "Our minds know better than we are able and willing to admit, and we are witness to many more things than we are willing to admit, and we are witness to many more things than we are willing to accept. The spirit and the mind are one. Their vision is greater, much greater than the vision we experience in the ordinary world." If something comes into out lives and we deny it by labeling it impossible, an indigenous elder would interpret this way of thinking as a manifestation of our own rigidity in the face of new possibilities. In the mind of the villager, the unreal is just a new and yet-unconfirmed reality in the vocabulary of consciousness. It is brought to us by the ancestors. A little hospitality toward it will suffice to make it part of us. In short, the indigenous mind does not admit impossibility. It defines itself by not rejecting the unfamiliar, and it therefore thrives on mysteries and magic. Such a mind gives ample space to the invisible because the invisible holds the key to the wisdom of the universe.

Beautiful Girls, You've Got Mail, The L-Word

I watched a bit of one of my favorite movies, Beautiful Girls, yesterday. I don' t that I would like the movie if it were not for the interaction between Willie and Marty, the 13 year old neighbor girl. Marty is old, she's young in age, but old in spirit. She has never met Willie before, but she can sense things about him. This catches him off guard and intrigues him just the same. There is nothing inappropriate that takes place between them...Willie is a grown man in his 20's. With no effort, Marty reaches him through her observations of him, his father and brother. She tells Willie she is an old soul and the two of them interact, she 13 and he 20 something, for brief moments as if there is no difference in age between them...Again, he never does or says anything inappropriate towards this minor child. You can tell though, or at least I can tell, that there is something there between them. Maybe a soul thing! Maybe within the confines of the moments and boundaries that they shared between them something else, their spirits were engaging in something more. There was a spark there between them. It's such an innocent interaction, but to me no less powerfull.

I love that movie if only to see the scenes between Willie (Timothy Hutton) and Marty (a young Natalie Portman). Cute, cute, cute...

You've Got Mail...I saw a bit of that yesterday as well. That movie came out before I was really too interested in the Internet. I had just created my first email account with yahoo in 1998. It's another one of my favorites...

The L-Word...
When will you be back on? I want to see what's happening with Shane and Bette and Tina and Alice. I wish Miranda was still on the show. She was a bad mutha shut yo' mouth! It's still a good show without her though. Only God (and the cast, and the producers) know what they will have Shane doing this season. I'm going to have to check out Showtime to see when they will be back. Oh yeah, I hope hope hope hope hope that Jennie got some HELP. That girl was scary!

AP Wire | 12/18/2005 | Private funeral held for Richard Pryor

AP Wire | 12/18/2005 | Private funeral held for Richard Pryor: "Private funeral held for Richard Pryor
Associated Press

LOS ANGELES - A funeral service for comedian Richard Pryor included both laughter and tears Saturday, his fellow comics said.

'It was sad but joyous,' actor and comedian Mike Epps told reporters afterward. 'It was the way I think Richard would have loved it to be, you know. He would have loved to have seen the laughter and the pain also.'

Pryor, who battled multiple sclerosis for decades, died of a heart attack on Dec. 10 at his home. He was 65.

A private service for family and close friends was held at a chapel at a Hollywood Hills cemetery. A public memorial may be held in January.

KABC-TV reported that a video overview of Pryor's movie and stage performances was played during the service.

Singer Diana Ross, who wore black and a large hat with a huge black bow, contributed during singing of the hymn 'Amazing Grace.'

'I did hum a little,' she told KCAL-TV.

Ross appeared with Pryor in the movies 'The Wiz' and 'Lady Sings the Blues.'

Comedian George Lopez said Pryor 'meant everything to me.'

'He was the one person who filled my house with his voice and made me not feel lonely, and made me feel my life could be worth something and that my pain could be currency for laughs,' he said.

'There was a very intimate, very small and we all just got together and kissed him away,' comedian Monique said. 'See you later Richard, see you when we get there.'

'But don't call me no time soon, um-um,' she joked."

Republishing Old Post

In March 2003, I removed all of the posts from my blog. My way of shutting it down. Well, I'd like to repost them using their original date. I am not where I was then... I don't feel the need to leave them as drafts. They date back to October 2004. I will get them up as time permits. In the meantime, check the archive column to the right for dates that were not there previously.

Enjoy

Yahoo! Health Expert Blogs Yoga for You - Telling the Truth

Yahoo! Health Expert Blogs Yoga for You - Telling the Truth: "Dear yogis,

Telling the truth is good medicine. The health of your heart, mind, and body depends so much on being honest. Just think how your body feels when you tell even the smallest lie. There is a knot that begins to fist up in the pit of your stomach, your breath becomes inhibited, and your heart shrinks.

Most of us try to manipulate the future by bending the truth. Because many of us seek to avoid conflict and try to win approval, we change stories to fit our needs. More and more, I am beginning to see that the truth is liberating, no matter how difficult it is to tell. It seems to always find its way out in the open anyway. When we align our words and actions around the truth, our souls soar. When we don't, there is more and more heavy baggage to lug around.

Be mindful before you speak and observe the effects of what you say on others and yourself. Even though the truth may result in confrontation, it is an essential part of the road to peace.

Peace in our words,

Rodney Yee"

andromeda & the milky way

This song has been on my mind all day. I've been humming it and singing it in my head. It's from the Comfort Woman album by Meshell Ndegeocello. It's a beautyFULL song.

I'm in a loving, free space... a space where mentally I feel free to fly. These moments don't last always... most often for me they are fleeting. I'm enjoying it at this moment. at this moment I am free. I might be enslaved in the next frame. But for now, this moment, I am practicing freedome of thought, spirit, sound, breath, will.
enjoy


andromeda & the milky way

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down,
take me down
i wanna get free
i wanna get free with you

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down
take me down.

here i wait for you
all my faith in you
all my Love is for you
it’s you i wait for
to be free with you.

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down,
take me down
i wanna get free
i wanna get free with you

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down
take me down.

i wanna feel this feeling of Love forever
with you
forever with you
i wanna give you all my Love
i wanna feel, all your Love
take me there with you.

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down
take me down
i wanna get free
i wanna get free with you

take me down to your river
i wanna get free with you
take me down,
take me down.

this Love
is written in the stars
this Love
is written in the stars
meant to be
forever, forever

this Love
written in the stars
forever, forever...

©2003 Revolutionary Jazz Giant Music, BMI/
Alvie’s House, BMI

Spiritus

I'm not sure how to explain it. I'm not sure how to understand it. I'm not sure how to manage it. There is a free spirit that is alive. It can fly and fly and float. It can soar and move between time zones and galaxies. It can be every place at once. It lives in alternate universes. It speaks to me, it moves me, and it illuminate the mind.

I sometimes fear it, but mostly revere it. I can't speak it's name, but I know it's imprint.

Visit with me. Sit with me. Play with me. Stay with me.

I breathe the thin air that materialized you. My lungs are full. I'm trying not to hold my breath
because while that may keep you around, it is healthier that we replenish for the journey ahead.

Earth School

Today, yesterday, the day before that... God, where have I been? What are the stars saying? What do the bones reveal? Maybe if I consult the tarot...maybe answers will be there. Maybe....ummm, maybe if I called my mama. hmmm, maybe she'd know.

God, what did I say? What did I pray? What did a think to bring me...here? Where are you leading me? I know, I know.... my path has never been straight. But can you give a sistah a break?

I'm tired of breathing rarified air. My other lungs want exercise. My other ears...they need silence. My eyes...close them all. What am I saying? I'd like to travel the river da' nile for a minute. My boat has capsized, and I'm treading...sh*t, I'm dogging paddling. I'm sinking... I'm tired.

Please, please...no more tests. Can you please, just this once, grade me on a curve? Pass me before I learn? Can I skip class? I promise I'll study on my own time.
I'll take an incomplete. Drop the class maybe... sign up again some other time. Another semi...semester...Some other half of my life?

Where Is Home

Where is home?
Like a nomad I wander
and search
only to return,
staring
at my own feet
and hands
where is home?
where is rest or peace?
where am I?







© 2005 Blackgold347

Mobile Blogging ... Driving. The

Mobile Blogging ... Driving. The moon appears FULL!

On Intimacy

Excerpt from Falling Out of Grace by Sobonfu Some'

"Intimacy is the language of the heart. It is the one song that everyone has in common. Nobody can say, "I never felt deeply about anyone or anything." That would be to deny something that is essential. Where there is no desire for intimacy, there is no deeper life."

Excerpt From Falling Out of Grace

by Sobonfu Some'
"I think that today we are facing new dynamics; the shape of relationships in the world is shifting, at a communal and at the individual level. We are at a new doorway. Where is it going to lead us? No one knows for sure, certainly not I. What I do know is that the foundations of intimacy I knew in the old days have been shaken. In this kind of environment a fall out of grace, when intimacy feels like it has a double edge, cutting both ways, is impossible for most of us to avoid. What is important is how we choose to respond."

CNN.com - U.S. execution: Arnold angers Europe - Dec 13, 2005

CNN.com - U.S. execution: Arnold angers Europe - Dec 13, 2005: "VIENNA, Austria (AP) -- California's execution of a murderer has outraged many in Europe who regard the practice as barbaric, and feelings ran particularly deep in state Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's native Austria.

At the Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI's top official for justice matters denounced the death penalty for going against redemption and human dignity.

'We know the death penalty doesn't resolve anything,' Cardinal Renato Martino told Associated Press Television News.

'Even a criminal is worthy of respect because he is a human being. The death penalty is a negation of human dignity.'

Capital punishment is illegal throughout the European Union, and many Europeans consider state-sponsored executions to be barbaric."

Prince Signs Deal to Release New Album - Yahoo! News

Prince arrives for a party celebrating the release of his new album 'Musicology' Tuesday, April 20, 2004 in New York. Prince, who has put out most of his music on his own record label over the past decade, is aligning himself with a major label once again. The 47-year-old superstar has signed a deal with Universal Records to release his upcoming album, '3121,' early next year. A press conference was scheduled Tuesday, Dec. 13, 2005 in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chad Rachman)



Prince Signs Deal to Release New Album - Yahoo! News: "NEW YORK - Prince, who has put out most of his music on his own record label over the past decade, is aligning himself with a major label once again. The 47-year-old superstar has signed a deal with Universal Records to release his upcoming album, '3121,' early next year. A press conference was scheduled Tuesday in Los Angeles."

Ancestral Guidance

I need to ask the ancestors for guidance... I need to connect with them...consciously connect with them. I was drawn back to a previously read text- The Healing Wisdom of Africa by Malidoma Patrice Some. I found this passage...

"Ancestors are at a disadvantage because they know how to improve things yet they do not have the body required to act on what they know. We are at a disadvangtage because, although we have bodies, we often lack the knowledge required to carry things out properly. This is why Spirit likes to work through us. A person with a body is an ideal vehicle for Spirit to manifest things in this world. It is important to understand that when we feel that something is missing in our life, when we feel somehow disconnected or displaced, that these feelings are a sign for us to repair our connection with the world of the ancestors and spirits."

Schwarzenegger Rejects Williams' Bid for Clemency - Los Angeles Times

Jesse Jackson leads march across the Golden Gate Bridge to protest execution. (Robert Durell / LAT)

Schwarzenegger Rejects Williams' Bid for Clemency - Los Angeles Times

Racial Unrest Strikes Australia - Yahoo! News

Racial Unrest Strikes Australia - Yahoo! News: "SYDNEY, Australia - In one of Australia's worst outbursts of racial violence, thousands of drunken white youths attacked police and people they believed were of Arab descent at a Sydney beach, angered by reports that Lebanese youths had assaulted two lifeguards.

Young men of Arab descent retaliated in several Sydney suburbs, fighting with police and smashing 40 cars with sticks and bats, police said. Thirty-one people were injured and 16 were arrested in hours of violence Sunday.

The city was calm Monday, and police formed a strike force to track down the instigators, some of whom were believed to be from white supremacist groups. Police said they were also seeking an Arab man who allegedly stabbed a white man in the back."

Melancholy Mood and Gratitude

I slipped into a melancholy space pretty easily this morning. I started thinking from a place of lack, but thinking about what is missing from my life is necessary at times. Those moments, these moments show up to help us get focused. I changed my mind, my focus, my thoughts and now I see, feel differently. not completely, not totally but I feel a difference. It's a matter of which eyes I see with, which ears I hear with... I'm staying where I am though. I'm not trying to rush myself to some place that I am not. I'm feeling it. Maybe I will ride the rollercoaster of emotions today. Chosing when I can which eyes I see with.

I need to make today a day of gratitude. Each time I feel sad or a little low I will record what I am thankfull for. Today this feels necessary.

I also need to reach out to others, and be near others.

Yesterday, my nephew broke the high jump record held at his high school He jumped 6 feet, 6 inches....That's with literally one day of practice. He decided that he wanted to be a high jumper this year, his senior year. He tried out and made the team. Yesterday, he had his first indoor track meet, and jumped the highes. Amazing to jump so high without training or practice. I'm so proud of him. Wow, I feel better just writing about his accomplishments. Wonderfull!

There's a connection... you can't feel sad when you are thankfull for everything. Some would ask, "but why would I be thankfull for "bad things" that show up?" Which eyes, ears are we looking with?...what is bad? Maybe I should only use that word in the context of "badd" meaning good!

Africans and language... we've done some amazing things with language, haven't we? We change the world, our world with our words, our language...

Okay, I'm feeling better...better...better

ThankFULL I AM!

this is good

This may explain some things...

An excerpt from an email I received from Tarot.com

"Dear ...,

Mercury, the communications planet, has come out of its three week "retrograde" phase (when it was moving backwards across our sky) and is moving forward again. Whenever Mercury shifts course, we feel it... and when it goes "direct" like it is now, interacting with others starts flowing more smoothly. Schedules work out, communication gets easier and tasks that seemed difficult are suddenly a breeze. Heck, even the VCR starts working again!

Master astrologer Jeff Jawer has this advice for taking advantage of Mercury going direct: "It's time to get the communications ball rolling again. People you couldn't get to the past few weeks may become available now, especially if you are persistent.""

This could explain why one of my Scorpio buddies appears to have dropped on the planet with communications. Hopefully, I'll hear back from her soon.

Richard Pryor's Official Site: I Ain't Dead Yet, M*therF@ck%r!

Richard Pryor's Official Site: I Ain't Dead Yet, M*therF@ck%r!: "Please send your wishes directly to Richard's email."

richard@richardpryor.com

Pathbreaking Comedian Richard Pryor Dies

Pathbreaking Comedian Richard Pryor Dies: "LOS ANGELES -- Richard Pryor, the caustic yet perceptive actor-comedian who lived dangerously close to the edge both on stage and off, died Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died shortly before 8 a.m. of a heart attack after being taken to a hospital from his home in the San Fernando Valley, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system."

AOL News - Toledo Braces for Neo-Nazi Group's Return

AOL News - Toledo Braces for Neo-Nazi Group's Return: "TOLEDO, Ohio (Dec. 10) - Hundreds of police officers were stationed through the downtown area in freezing weather Saturday to keep a neo-Nazi rally under control and avoid a repeat of a riot in October.

'We're well prepared for it,' Sheriff James Telb said before the afternoon rally.

Members of the National Socialist Movement planned a Saturday afternoon demonstration on the steps of City Hall. Two months ago, their planned march set off a four-hour riot in which businesses were burned and looted and bricks were thrown at police and an ambulance driver.

In October, the neo-Nazis said they wanted to protest gangs and rising crime in a Toledo neighborhood. This time, they say they want to protest how police and the city handled the October confrontation.

Anti-racist groups planned a counterdemonstration Saturday to shout down the white supremacists.

Streets for several blocks near the central government district were cordoned off Saturday by patrol cars and concrete barriers. The neo-Nazis and their opponents were being directed to fenced-off areas. Anyone attending the rally would have to go through security checkpoints."

DJ...I'd like to Dedicate a Song To...

Positive Vibrations
(Bob Marley)

Live if you want to live
Rastaman vibration yeah!  Positive
I and I vibration yeah!  Positive
I a man Iration yeah! Irie Ites
Positive vibration yeah!  Positive

If you get down and quarrel everyday
You're saying prayers to the devil, I say
Why not help another on the way
Make it much easier
Say you just can't live that negative way
You know what I mean
Make way for the positive day

Cause its a new day
New time, new feeling yeah!
Say it's a new sign
Oh what a new day
Picking up.
Are you picking up now
Jah love, Jah love, protect us (Repeat)

Rastaman Vibration yeah!  Positive
I and I vibration yeah!  Irie Ites
Vibes, got to have a good vibe
Picking up.
Are you picking up now (Repeat)

L.A. Leaders Seek Peace if Williams Dies - Yahoo! News

L.A. Leaders Seek Peace if Williams Dies - Yahoo! News: "Williams, 51, is scheduled to die at 12:01 a.m. Tuesday by lethal injection at San Quentin State Prison.

On Friday, four City Council members urged religious leaders to open their churches to those upset by the case.

Though community opinions about Williams vary, even a small group could provoke widespread civil unrest, said Councilman Bernard Parks, a former police chief. Parks alluded to the 1992 Los Angeles riots that followed the acquittal of white police officers in the beating of black motorist Rodney King.

'All you need is a few to disrupt the entire city,' Parks said."

South L.A. Divided on Williams' Fate - Los Angeles Times

South L.A. Divided on Williams' Fate - Los Angeles Times

Death row clash - Los Angeles Times

Death row clash - Los Angeles Times: "By Scott Martelle, Times Staff Writer

Tune in to the afternoon 'John and Ken Show' on talk radio's KFI-AM (640) and you get a highly personalized take on Stanley Tookie Williams and those who are lobbying for the commutation of his death sentence. NAACP President Bruce S. Gordon is 'a lunatic.' Los Angeles journalist/progressive political advocate Jasmyne Cannick is a 'black racist' and a 'crackpot activist trying to make a name for herself.' Williams himself? A conman in a murderer's prison jumpsuit.

As the calendar flips quickly to Williams' scheduled execution early Tuesday morning, the former Crip has become a cause celebre for talk radio hosts John Kobylt and Ken Chiampou, who have been devoting the 5 o'clock hour of their 3-to-7 p.m. show to their 'Tookie Must Die for Murdering Four Innocent People' campaign — announced with four gunshots symbolizing Williams' victims."

Thoughts Before Bed

I saw a picture tonight...a still image of a face that makes me want to draw again.
The shades, the shadows, the way they blend, light and dark...
I want to pick up charcoal or a pencil and recreate what I saw.
Maybe tomorrow if I go back to it, the urge will be the same.
The day has been long. My body is tired. My eyes fatigued and my eyelids, broke.

There is a strange place that I'm traveling to. I am early enough in my journey that I can change courses without losing to much time in reaching my final destination. It's never too late to turn around. Never too late.

For now, I'll rest and contemplate me at my best. There is so much to give, so much to receive. It's going to rain on me. It's raining and I feel like dancing myself into a trance until I'm exhausted. Until I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted now,
and I still want to dance.

simple
carefree
carefull
innocent
like a drug
opiates
only natural
shadow dance
barefoot
with only moonlight
illuminating
the way
the
way
barely
tangentially
almost lasting
you linger
through cycles
of recollections
and memories
I try
but I can't
stay where
you are not
so I go back
in time
to frames
in my mind
when...
I can't stay there
either
living between
two homes...
it's all mental
sensual
experiential
a dream

(written with Luxurious pounding in my headphones)

Luxurious

I just loaded Gwen Stefani's single Luxurious into my mp3 player. Oh my, maybe it's the sample of the Isley Brothers' Between the Sheets... I'm listening to it now. Whatever it is, I'm digging it! It's so sexy......... I heard snippits here and there over the last week, and then I decided I needed to hear the whole song today. I found the video on aol.

I think I can write to this...not sure what will come out, but hey, it sends me to a nice space.

Question... among other things is this song about, mary-j-wana? There are too many references to it, "sticky green", for it not to be a little bit about it...hydroponic love? Okay, I'm learning some new phrases...

Snow, Chakras, and Shovel

No School/work today!!!!

We are eagerly waiting for the snow to arrive. The DC metropolitan area has a Winter Storm Warning in effect until noon time tomorrow. We like snowy days because they get us, school system employees, days off from work when school is closed for students.

I need a rest tomorrow. I need to turn my brain off from work a day sooner.

I can't believe that we are already at Friday (tomorrow). The days, the time goes by so quickly. It seems like Sunday was just yesterday. Why does time seem to be accelerated? They say that the earth is spinning a little faster following the earthquake/tsunami last December.

While I want snow tonight and tomorrow, I'd also like to travel back to Miami. I enjoyed Miami over the summer. I enjoyed Mango's in South Beach. The energy in the club was fun, exciting and stimulating. The dancers....the dancers... I miss dancing. I need to do more dancing. There's something hypnotic about dancing. It releases so much energy. I'd like to dance and dance and dance and let go like the men and women, priest and priestesses did in Ghana. They danced until the gods took hold of their feet and bodies. They danced until they danced the dance of the spirits that possessed them. The energy was high! What is it about African people, people of African descent and the drum and the dance? The Kybalion says that everything manifests motion, movement. We are never still/stagnant unless energy and spirit no longer dwells in us. No matter how still we are, we are still moving. They only appear still to our eyes...
Rhythm and movement require more study on my part. There is something more to it that I want to understand. Something more I want to know about them.

Miami... I miss the summer sun. Summer brings the feeling of being so alive that I can fly with no wings. But it's winter now...it's my time of introspection. I still wouldn't mind making my way to Miami to sneak a little more sun.

There is so much going on in the world. I want to say prayers for the Earth. I want to say prayers for the hearts of woman and man. We must make the world a better place. As we get more and more advanced in our technologies we become more and more disconnected from each other. Rat race has become the norm and quiet, serene living isn't where it's at. We need more external stimulation, but that's not what I want for me, myself or my children. I have to exercise what I've been given...dominion over myself, my sphere, my world.

Life is too short to be unhappy. It's too short not to feel joy and true, free love.

Let's study love...

I've heard all day that John Lennon made his transition 25 years ago today, and in the background of my mind I hear "Imagine" playing.

Can you Imagine? I can...

Mind Travel

I keep peeking out of the window
to see if anyone is there.
I go to the door
move the curtain to the side,
press my nose
to the glass
and breathe...sigh
no one is there
SOmetimes when I check
I see children playing games in the street.
They seem so happy
I wish that I could partake
but it's much to late...in life
for me.
I liked bouncing in the street
walking hugged up with my friends
not a care in the world...
just "who's it?"
Now I'm tagged...
not hit by my friends, but titled
labeled...nothing bad
just different, which doesn't get you pay'ed
anything but attention~
Today I thought I heard a knock,
a rap on the door...
I peeked
moved the curtain covering the window,
clicked the button
and instead of seeing children
I heard
"You've Got Mail!"
no one was at the door
but I had a visitor
via virtual mail~
Communion across wires and waves
fields of light
fiber optics
life transmitted in light
who knew the delivery would be so sweet?
I find it fancy that I send myself
to you daily at the speed of light
I didn't know I could fly so high,
until I spoke to you on top of mount everest
ever so faithfull is this need
ever so steady is my will
to grow and know me in you,
you in me
Shall I gather all of my loves
and kiss them each
one by one
at sunset?
We can stay there where ever you are until
you tell me all of my secrets...
tell me...this is a test...
can you remember reading the book of my heart?
you opened it as I shed tears on the bank where two rivers met
the night we danced in the middle of the east
remember we were dressed in love
nothing else, naked, stripped down...
just light...and vulnerable to only disbelief in magic
and miracles...
love


(...writing again ...traveling again)

Fear and Avoidance

For heart goes out to her
she does and does and does
but doesn't know what fuels her
she's looking for her self
her soul
her life
in the comfort she finds in the arms of others
it's not uncommon
but her arms are never cold
she keeps them wrapped around others
her arms are never empty the way that her heart is
I know she misses her mother
the mother she never had...
the mother, the one who would have protected her from the greatest harm
how does she make it right?
how does she make her peace
when she keeps thinking that this piece
and that piece will satisfy the desire
of her soul
she never sits with herself
someone else is always there to distract her
she loves but because she needs
she needs to much that she
keeps the ones she loves chained to her heart
they can only go but so far
even when she strays and strays and strays
she seeks comfort while turning from her spirit and her goddess self
selfishly she controls the outcome of her conquests
each one...she takes from, grows from
feeds off of them to nourish her emotions
to kill her pain,
to silence her fears
of being not good enough,
not being white enough,
not being smart enough,
not being popular enough
I know she needs her mother
she's still four and five inside
getting love from sex and bodies
only to feel empty after
the thrill is gone...
the thrill never stays
she keeps going and going
always in something
and not know why or how
she landed there
she wants control of anything
because she has control over nothing
not even her body
not even her thoughts
she can't even tell you her truth
because years ago she sold it to ward off loneliness
she has no spiritual practice
she lost herself,
maybe she's finding herself...
searching where others are
not going where God lives...within
never finding what she needs...without
I know she'll find her way
she's getting too old to keep up this play... on lives
Life will force your hand,
and your heart and your mind
you've only exercised your ability to pull others to you
using sex...
a set up from the start
will you ever be able to show them your heart?
Will you show the pain,
the shame,
the stain of abuse that you carry?
Maybe that's what drives you
the void you should have filled with spirit
is filled with fear...
fear and loneliness...
giving your life to avoid the two
has kept you, her, she
from knowing...
truly knowing you.
today you say you know not what you do
when will you stop,
look up,
take account,
figure it out?
when will fear
and avoidance
to driving you to...
destination unknown?

© 2005

My Poetry Tonight

I don't have much to say...I just didn't want the most recent blog post to be about illness and destroyed families.

I'd much rather write/post something airy, springy, lovely, spicey, or funny.

My goodness... i wish that I could write poetry, but I can't access that voice, that place that it flows from.

Maybe my poetry tonight is going to bed early, praying, drinking my tea, and falling off to sleep without fear of falling from the sky.

Maybe my poetry will be not thinking of tomorrow or earlier today... just finding the way to stay focused on now.

Maybe my poetry will be conjuring up the essence of loved ones so that they all surround me,
and smile at me as I drift off to sleep.

Maybe my poetry tonight will be going to that place within where peace and contentment await me... know, instead of wondering

Holding hands instead of folding my arms

Maybe my poetry will be words, but deeds and doings tonight...

Maybe I'll project astral I-Love-You's to every heart connected to mine
Maybe we can get in-syn-chronized and aligned...
tune in to the thoughts in my head,
the longings in my heart...
One Day I will reach that place
maybe my poetry tonight is
realizing I'm already there.
~~~
this is a start

AIDS pandemic in Africa is destroying family structures - Yahoo! News

AIDS pandemic in Africa is destroying family structures - Yahoo! News: "ABUJA (AFP) - The
HIV/
AIDS virus is destroying family life across Africa, international health experts warned as they met in the Nigerian capital Abuja.

'The family has been made fragile in Africa because of poverty and because of AIDS,' Rima Salah, deputy executive director of the UN children's agency
UNICEF, told reporters."

State Hornet Online - Cornel West addresses racial struggles

State Hornet Online - Cornel West addresses racial struggles: "The Princeton professor challenges people to think globally and to fight for civil rights

Nika Megino
State Hornet
December 02, 2005
The night began as Cornel West -- black activist, philosopher and Princeton professor -- entered the University Union Ballroom Thursday to a standing ovation from a full audience of different ages and cultures.

West –- an author of many books including “Race Matters” and “Democracy Matters” -- touched on many topics at the event hosted by UNIQUE and the Multicultural Center.

Throughout the night, he spoke of topics often avoided in everyday conversation –- especially race. West spoke of the struggles of blacks in America before, during and after the Civil Rights movement. He touched on what it takes, and what it means, to face the truth in terms of who a person really is, or what a nation really stands for.

Speaking with different dynamics throughout the night and physical motions both large and small, West described his philosophy, his Socratic way of questioning and critical thinking.

“She did not blink,” West said, explaining the refusal of Rosa Parks to give up her seat in the back of the bus as a testament to her character.

He said she had the courage to say: “I am a human being and your dogma of white supremacy is endangering humanity.”

West spoke about the struggles of blacks. From slavery, Jim Crow laws and the Civil Rights Movement, blacks, he said, had endured a lot.

“To be black in America for 400 years is being hated for who you are,” West said.

It took a lot of courage, he said, for blacks to nonviolently fight for civil rights in the face of injustices and violence against them.

In the face of violence against innocent people including Emmet Till –- a 14-year-old boy from Chicago who was murdered in Mississippi –- and the death of four girls that resulted from a bombing at the 16th Street Baptist Church in Alabama, blacks continued to protest nonviolently.

“If black people had reacted violently, there would be civil war every generation,” West said.

The Civil Rights movement, he said, was for everyone’s benefit –- not just blacks.

As for democracy, West said, people need to start thinking of what is going on everywhere. He said that it’s not just about benefiting individually, a person needs to care about others, their nation and the world. They need to start giving back and pushing each other forward.

“Fight. Fight. Fight,” he told a young woman in the audience, who had asked what she could do as an African-American woman to be free in America.

“Keep fighting. You lose sometimes and you bounce right back,” West said,

Social work graduate student Patricia Roche said West is an incredible, beautiful person. “He’s like a voice of consciousness, not just for black people, but for the nation.”

Sophomore Andre Anderson, a student from CSU Los Angeles, came to the event because he had read some of West’s books and was familiar with his work.

“I think he’s very insightful,” Anderson said. He said West inspires the youth to take a stand and take action in today’s world.

Nika Megino can be reached at news@statehornet.com"

NAACP Presents Petitions To Stop 'Tookie' Execution - Yahoo! News

NAACP Presents Petitions To Stop 'Tookie' Execution - Yahoo! News: "Those fighting to save Stanley 'Tookie' Williams from execution took another step forward Tuesday as leaders from the NAACP took boxes of petitions to the governor's office.

The group's president, Bruce Gordon, calls Williams a 'secret weapon' for helping young blacks stay out of gangs, adding that Williams' execution would be a mistake.

'These petitions represent diverse views. They say the same: Keep Stan Williams Alive. That's the message,' Gordon said.

Williams' advocates said that he should have never been convicted of four murders in 1979 because the evidence was circumstantial."

Katrina Victims Testify on Racism's Role - Yahoo! News

Katrina Victims Testify on Racism's Role - Yahoo! News: "WASHINGTON - Black survivors of Hurricane Katrina said Tuesday that racism contributed to the slow disaster response, at times likening themselves in emotional congressional testimony to victims of genocide and the Holocaust.

The comparison is inappropriate, according to Rep. Jeff Miller (news, bio, voting record), R-Fla.

"Not a single person was marched into a gas chamber and killed," Miller told the survivors.

"They died from abject neglect," retorted community activist Leah Hodges. "We left body bags behind."

Angry evacuees described being trapped in temporary shelters where one New Orleans resident said she was "one sunrise from being consumed by maggots and flies." Another woman said military troops focused machine gun laser targets on her granddaughter's forehead. Others said their families were called racial epithets by police.

"No one is going to tell me it wasn't a race issue," said New Orleans evacuee Patricia Thompson, 53, who is now living in College Station, Texas. "Yes, it was an issue of race. Because of one thing: when the city had pretty much been evacuated, the people that were left there mostly was black."

Not all lawmakers seemed persuaded.

"I don't want to be offensive when you've gone though such incredible challenges," said Rep. Christopher Shays (news, bio, voting record), R-Conn. But referring to some of the victims' charges, like the gun pointed at the girl, Shays said: "I just don't frankly believe it."

"You believe what you want," Thompson said.

The hearing was held by a special House committee, chaired by Rep. Tom Davis, R-Va., investigating the government's preparations and response to Katrina. It was requested by Rep. Cynthia McKinney, D-Ga., a member of the

Congressional Black Caucus

"Racism is something we don't like to talk about, but we have to acknowledge it," McKinney said. "And the world saw the effects of American-style racism in the drama as it was outplayed by the Katrina survivors."

The five white and two black lawmakers who attended the hearing mostly sat quietly during two and a half hours of testimony. But tempers flared when evacuees were asked by Rep. Jeff Miller, R-Fla., to not compare shelter conditions to a concentration camp.

"I'm going to call it what it is," said Hodges. "That is the only thing I could compare what we went through to."

Of five black evacuees who testified, only one said he believed the sluggish response was the product of bad government planning for poor residents — not racism."

Depression Plagues Katrina Victims - Yahoo! News

Depression Plagues Katrina Victims - Yahoo! News: "NEW ORLEANS - For three months after Hurricane Katrina's waters consumed her home, Michelle Thomas locked her stress deep inside and put on a brave face for her husband and two daughters.

She focused on the positive: Her Ninth Ward home was destroyed and her hospital job was gone, but her husband and children, ages 7 and 16, were alive and the family was together.

Then came Thanksgiving, celebrated in her mother's cramped home in a small Louisiana town. Since then, the family has moved into a modest rental house they owned in a community an hour from New Orleans. As Christmas approaches, the 36-year-old woman is feeling anything but joyful. Like many survivors, Thomas has the blues.

'I go into a feeling of hopelessness, and I cry,' she says."

Love hurts? So does a wounded marriage - Yahoo! News

Love hurts? So does a wounded marriage - Yahoo! News: "CHICAGO (Reuters) - There is even more proof that an unhappy marriage is bad for your health, researchers reported on Monday.
ADVERTISEMENT
click here

The stress that comes from discord appears to slow the initial production of a blood protein that is key to healing wounds, the report from Ohio State University said.

Quarreling couples studied in a laboratory setting had a slower wound healing process than when they were not arguing, as measured by how rapidly blisters healed. The blisters were deliberately inflicted on the test subjects by using a vacuum pump on the arm."

Today

I can't see my blog for some reason. I guess the server is down or something is under construction. Today felt kind of different. I had the best night's sleep last night. I went to bed fairly earlier...about 9 something. I did a little reading before bed, which always makes my eyelids droop. I think I almost dropped the book twice. I didn't resist, and hit the lights.

I don't remember any of my dreams from last night. I woke up pretty early this morning. The forecast predicted snow for some time today, so I was curious as to what the weather was doing a little before 5 am. I peeked out the window through the blinds. The ground looked wet... no snow. That was cool though. It was dark and cold today. Usually I react to that scene by feeling a little down. I didn't this morning...maybe because it felt like snow was coming.

It's been snowing for several hours now. Afterschool activities were cancelled for this evening. It is my sincere hope that we have a snow day tomorrow. I will plan as if I will be going to work on time. That way any changes, delays, cancellations will be a treat.

I kinda think I'm ready for some new music. I haven't purchased anything new since Damien Marley's CD was released. I'll have to browse some of the music sites to see what I might be interested in.

I had accupunture today. The accupuncturist mistaken left two needles in my ankles, one in each. I think my sock slid up covering up the needles. I felt a sensation in my leg sort of like an itch...the needles are so fine that they bend. After the sensation after I stood up and walked a bit. I pulled out one and as I walked out of the room I felt something in my other ankle. I hopped over to the chair because I didn't want that thing bending in my muscle as it flexed while I walked. It didn't hurt at first, but during my commute home I felt more discomfort. I'll keep an eye on it tonight. I was all relaxed until that happened. The needles a fine, but I don't want to walk with them still in my ankle. I wondered if that altered the intended effect of the treatment. We want to stimulate the energy along the meridian, not traumatize the system.

All in all today was a relaxing day at work. A coworker shared pictures of her soon to be newly adopted son with me today. I couldn't help it...I cried. This is something that they have been waiting for for so long. And, now he is here. He's beautyfull. Absolutely beautyFULL! It makes me want to cry just thinking him, them, his birth mother. The sacrifice that they are all making for him. He is a gift. I prayed for his birth mother today as I relaxed with accupunture needles stuck in my forehead, skull, wrists, legs and ankles. Prayer is powerfull. We are surrounded in a sea of possibilities. Why not state what you desire?

Love...let it resonate

I wish there was some sort of device that would allow me to project what I'm feeling in this post because I don't have words to express it. I'm not even connected to it so how can I say it. I wish to go to a place where time doesn't exist. I don't know if the sun would shine or if the Earth would continue to rotate. I don't know if the seasons would change, or if movement would cease all together. I don't know if I'm speaking of time marked by a clock, or time marked by the seasons, or time marked by my body's energy. Do I have enough energy...? I want to play. I want to rest. I want to feel. I want to be content in my mind, but right now I'm not. I'm feeling the need to go deeper within to connect with a part of me that I know little of.

I want to go deeper into study and self-reflection mode...be like the hermit again. Maybe I'm tired and feeling a little melancholy for no real reason. Maybe it's my hormones fluctuating...The human body is a magnificent machine.

I'm going to ride the tide instead of resisting. I don't feel like crashing into any energy waves. Just being with myself, nurturing myself is what I need right now. Communion is what is needed. Meditation is needed. Centering is needed.

I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night in the master bedroom. It's a roomy room. Every time I drifted to sleep I felt as if I was sinking deeper into something...I don't know what it was. I eventually left the master bedroom and slept in a smaller room in a bed that had clothes piled on top of the bed. It was cozy...close...closer to the feeling of being in a womb. I think the feeling in the other room was like falling from the sky when I needed to be encased in womb like surroundings. Maybe it's warmth that I need. Maybe it's nurturance, sustenance, connectedness...the type of closeness where the heartbeats get in sync with one another. Maybe I need to mother, to nurture, to create.

I'm not sure why, but I couldn't come up with a title for this post. I'll leave it titleless...The title can be whatever one is left with after partaking.

Sunday Morning Ramblings

I lost all that I typed in a new post a few minutes ago. I guess it wasn't meant to be posted, hmmm? I was writing about snow...we are expecting our first measure snow of the winter. I love snow because it sometimes gets me days off from work. That's what I enjoy about working in the school system.

I was also writing about friendship and relationships. I've learned that the title of friend should not easily be bestowed upon everyone. Some times it takes a long time for friendship to develop. I think in the past I called some "friend" because I didn't know what else to call the person. They weren't enemies. There was no bad blood between us. I see it all the time in the elementary school aged children. Everybody in the school is their friend. A parent once asked her son "how many friends do you have?" He said 27. That was the number of students in his class. This student was on the autism spectrum. Social interations aren't easily navigated by persons with autism. It doesn't mean that there is totally no interest in social interactions, but they are difficult.

There are many adults who have difficulty managing interactions with others. Don't worry...I'm not suggesting that anyone who has difficulty with social interactions is autistic or on the spectrum. I'm just thinking about how I and others navigate the social terrain...relationships. I feel that most interactions are need based. We do things because it benefits us in some way. it meets some type of need for us. I think that's normal and natural. For some the relationship/friendship lasts as long as the need lasts. I definitely know what it's like to grow out of friendships and relationships. But why do some last even when we've grown beyond the thing that initially brought the individuals together? I've learned that acceptance and commitment are necessary components of relationships. Each individual has the free will to determine what they accept and commit to. That should never be abdicated to another. Free will is a gift that should be cherished. People come and go in and out of our lives. We often fear when people move away physically or emotionally because we think that that means the end of what is/what was...forever. There are some that I will love forever, and I haven't spoken to them in years. There are some who I will remain close and connected to despite months going by between our interactions.

I've learned a lot from my husband's friendships that have lasted over 30 years. They've all grown up, moved away from each other physically, but maintain a bond. They've had some periods of significant emotional distance but they remained close all of this time. They've confronted each other with the others stuff. They've been honest with each other. When disappointed because one let the other down, they talk about it. They have made soul connections. There is nothing to fear with soul connections. They are destined to be what they are. Soul connections are re-connections. They last over and between lifetimes.

I don't have to force soul connections. Usually I am trying to cognitively understand what the soul already knows. I've learned to sit back and injoy the ride of recollecting...re-collecting memory.

I've had a few interactions that I've tried to force to be what "I" wanted them to be. I never felt comfortable in those interactions. I don't really know why I felt I needed to be connected with those persons. Maybe it was to satisfy the ego. Like the association with that person made me better in some way. That was a crock... There is one person with whom I thought friendship was developing with but that was not the case. I and others served as an amusement park for her social thrills. I think I was caught up in connecting with someone who appeared to be on the same wave length. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt...talk is cheap went is not congruent with a persons actions. Consistency...

They say people show up for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime". I don't want to control the outcomes of my relationships in the sense that I'm trying to force a friendship. I want them to be what they are. If I work towards anything, I want to work to maintain integrity with people. I want to work to treat others as I want to be treated. There is a specific situation that I am thinking about right now... It's getting easier and easier to move on beyond it. I am sure that I will once the ego gets in check. I must first understand why I wanted it so much. Why was I disappointed when I knew what I was dealing with? I was never really comfortable around the person. So why? I don't have the answer now.

I've learned that I don't have to work that hard to be someones friends. When you are open, someone shows up when you least expect it...and it's easy to interact and connect. It's not like negotiating world peace! It flows. It's natural. It's mutual. It's fullfilling. It's dynamic. It's refreshing.

I love learning about me as I get to know others. I love the exchange. I love the give and take. I love the mutuality. I love that free will reigns. I love that life doesn't to be lived from a place of fear or desperation. I love being response-able to the people I love and care about. I love that they have expectations for me. I love the dialogue. I love the sharing that takes place even when words aren't enough.

I cherish my few regular everyday special people that have earned the position and status of friend in my life. I honor my souls connections. It's wonderfull to be open to experience all that life has for us. I'm so thankfull that I can be a participant, actor, director in my own life's drama, comedy, action and suspense filled life. I love the mystery of spirit. I love the that I am a new-aged, ancient one. I love reconnecting fellow new-aged, ancient ones.

If you do nothing else today, Take a chance. Live. Love. Be present. Call, write, email a friend and let them know that you were thinking of them. There is too much selfishness amongst us. Energy should flow freely. Pay attention to the blocks...the congestion...the stagnancy. Our exchanges shold uplift us. Not bring us down and make us feel crummy. Work to remove blocks. Work to improve the flow. Talk is cheap. Your body, your gut knows. If you ever want to know the truth do a gut check and listen to what it says. Is this person healthy for me? Listen to the answer.

Don't be best supporting actress in another's life movie and not be nominated for any "best" role in your own life movie. Some thrive off of being in the spot light and having all eyes and attentions on them. They set the stage of their lives the way they need it. Decide if you want to be in their play. Choose wisely. Our relationships should honor us. Make it so!

Blessed