This space/place
I find myself in
from time to time
it scares me
frightens me

It's dark and bright
at the same time

It's loud and quiet

It's so BIG and small

confining...
oppressive
regressive
selective

I'm a returning
new member

trying, attempting
to remember the password

to unlock and log in
to the upper/higher
regions of mind
and all chambers of this heart

love comes to me blindly
she cracks me wide open
she pummels me
repeatedly
in the heart space

she says i want you to  know you
and me
and you and everyone
and you and everything
and you and the god
and you and the goddess
and you and the flower
and you and the...
I want you to remember the mysteries
of life
of love
of pain
of peace
of joy
of grace
I want you to be
whole
again

and I try to forget
that this ever happened
this dream
this memory
this thought....
I try to act like I never saw it
like I never heard it
or read it
or prayed it
I try to go back to the posture
of ignorance
of neglect
and then
my chest swells again
it remembers
the ache
and
the tug
of complacency
of despondency
of not feeling
and she wants to be open again
because she
can't
live
another day
with the
closed sign
on her chest
she must
keep the light
on
however dim it may go
she must keep it on...
because she finds it hard to
breathe without it
create without it
she knows now how
she cannot
live without
love
being fully
expressed through her
life
heart
mind
spirit

2013 (c) blackgold347

We are free
Free
free
and the only limitations
are the limitations
we place on
ourselves

I would love to proclaim
that I will never limit
me
myself
I

But I know that some days
I look for the security of
the prison
I built just for me...
I need those walls
touching my back
I need the reminder
to wake up
eat
come here
go back...

The soaring spirit
scares me...
because from day to day
I know not
where I go...
where I be
Who I will be...
or what I will say
feel
do...

And who can take this honesty
this rawness
the fever burns me
drains me
this fever of life...
but don't get me wrong
I love them both
freedom
and confinement
I love them both
on different days
in different ways
for what they
offer
this wayward soul
 (c) blackgold347