Gut Feelings and other Friday Thoughts

Always trust your gut feeling. It won't let you down...confirmation may take some time to receive, but trust and believe...the truth knows, the truth glows, the truth-if even for a moment, is in your gut.

At first it takes practice to filter out what your mind says and the voices of others that masquerade as your own in your head. The gut, the hunch....it's really real. Learn to trust it...

Practice makes perfect...

Who rushes to stand in front of the Judge when they know that the judge knows that they being less than honest? Who can admit truth to another when they can't admit it to themselves? Who is willing to stand in life's kiln of fire to be stripped down to their lowest common denominator and essence? You always know your truth, and sometimes the truth of others...

"I'm sorry", "I am/was wrong", "I don't know" are phrase that you should never be ashamed to admit. Actions speak for you...Act justly. Be just.

They say silence is golden. Why is that? Because listening proves more beneficial than talking and running the mouth. Who's feet do you sit at, or are you self-taught? Children cannot teach themselves.

My desire for a perfect world are sometimes selfish requests for an externally peacefull environment that doesn't exist within me. I am living from the outside in...and some days my peace is found within and the light within shines so bright that it blinds the Sun.

Honesty is not easy for all. As Lauryn says (not quoted word for word) "they lie to God too, so what makes you think they won't lie to you?" Monitor your expectations of others. Monitor your inclination to place others up high (higher than you). If anything is elevated, or worthy of praise, give it to the that which is ultimate worthy and due all the praise and honor... The energy source that flows through you. That's all this is...we are manifestations. Take no credit for yourself...take no credit for yourself.

Liberation isn't free. Free-dome isn't free. It's a struggle to take control of your mind and your emotions. And I still struggle. I have not arrived...this journey is not over. I keep rising. We keep rising as high as we are willing to go. Unloose the cord that ties you...undo the chains that bind you. And my gut check said be pleased, you knew...

Establish meaningfull connections with others. Establish meaningfull bonds. That which is easily acquired is easily lost. Work for what you have. Shed tears for it, dedicate your life to it. And if you are a user. Be honest. Say that! It's okay... The truth is already known...they just didn't tell you.

The truth is known...
and it doesn't always have to be spoken aloud... it is whether you acknowledge it or not. If you turned you back on the Sun tomorrow, it will still rise... Your creations do what you've created them to do. What are you creating in your friendships, acquaintances, bonds, words, deeds, trusts? Where are those people who keep you honest? Find them! You need them.

Fear and Insecurity

If you want to live your dreams you must realize that fear and insecurity have no place other than to motivate and stimulate you to action. Otherwise, fear and insecurity must take a back seat...that's if you allow them to ride in the car with you at all.

I did something that I'm I usually get anxious about today, and I did it with minimal anxieties. I spoke in front of a crowd of folks...I could have backed out. I could have said, "no, someone else can do it?" But why would I do that if I want to share with folks? If the prayer is to share and give, what sense does it make to not share and give when the opportunity presents itself (however it presents itself)? If it is rejected on a smaller scale, will it be accepted on a larger scale? There is only one you, unless you are a carbon copy of someone else. Share yourself with the world.

Now, sometimes fear is a natural response such as when you are about to be attacked by a pack of wolves, or someone is holding a gun to your head. In those instances, fear is an automatic reaction to life threatening situations. But we not talking about that...

We're talking about having what you say you want show up in your life and then being afraid of what you asked for, or afraid to simple shine your unique light in the world.

Confront your fears! Don't let them immobilize you. Confront your excuses...

gods and goddesses...

Be aware of all of your creations (words, deeds, energy states, babies, art, moods)... So powerfull you are! Don't let your power escape your awareness today!

And if you haven't already, go get Meshell Ndegeocello Presents The Spirit Music Jamia: Dance of the Infidel.

Love

Missing You

There are some days
that I miss you terribly

Sometimes it's like losing an
arm or a leg
or
some other sense

There are some days
where I think
of you and
I
smile

And
I want to be closer
than close
to
you

Smell you like...
Your scent lingers
in my nose

But more than that
your fingers
caress my heart
daily...

I pray silent prayers
that one
day
you will come back to me

And today
and this moment
my soul
reaches out
to capture
the remnants of
what was
what still
is
deep within...
an abiding love
so deep
and complete
that heaven pauses
each moment
our thoughts,
one of the
other meet
and
greet
to say hello
again
I miss u
again
now

Copyright © 2005 Blackgold347

Friday Thoughts

I've been playing drums, keyboard and guitar since I got home this evening. I felt the need to create music, sound, melodies...There is and has been so much emotion that I've wanted to get out. So many stories to tell. So many stories... Dreams, memories, pasts and futures. My saving grace thus far in life has been my faith and hope. Each day I realize and cherish what is real. Or what I certify/stamp real for that moment because "real" often changes. Mind is so powerfull.

Mind creates. Mind destroys. Gives life and takes it away. Creation... What shall we create these days? Heaven? Hell?

I thirst, but I don't know what/where my water is. What will quench this thirst, the hunger? I know, although I try to act like I don't know, that there are no short cuts in life. Only life cut short...Some have lived many years with no peace inside. No joy. Distractions are plentifull. Process is my lesson.

I was told a beautifull story of faith today. It was so moving that I cried.

If you want to learn more about who you are/what makes you tick, talk to your mother about about who she was/how she felt/what she was going through emotionally and spiritually during her pregnancy with you. Ask her about how she felt about herself. Ask her if she was happy or sad or both or neither. Ask her if she felt loved and support during that time. Ask her if she felt alone. Did she have health problems or difficulties? Why? Because everything she felt you felt too. Everything that she experience, you experienced too. Sometimes we inherit their pain, hopelessness and disappointment. Having that information clues us in on what we need to provide to ourselves in order to heal and accept certain aspects of ourselves. Often times mothers have miraculous stories to share with us about us and them, together. Stories of faith in the midst of uncertainty. Pregnancy/Creation is an act of faith.

What will make your Spirit soar? What will provide the peace within? Living and Loving that is in sync with purpose does it for me. What is your therapy? What heals the sadness (if sadness exists)? "Know thyself." Share. Love. Create. Feel. Laugh. Raise up your friend, your neighbor. Commune.

Spirit Music Jamia...Meshell Ndegeocello

I just got in from seeing the Spirit Music Jamia featuring Meshell Ndegeocello. Joshua Redman also performed at the 9:30 Club tonight in Washington, DC. I've an appreciator of Meshell's music since the very beginning. I knew that she wouldn't perform music from her previous albums tonight, so the only expectation I had was to not hear any old stuff. I had not listened to the new album that was released today, yesterday...6/21/05. No bits or pieces of it...I just wanted to experience the unexpected and see how it resonated within.

Review...It was great! All the musicians were great! Chris Dave on Drums...I wanna be like him when I grow up. Everyone was great. I was really feeling the music. I'm the type of person who can stretch. I'm not stuck in a genre. Either I feel it or I don't regardless of the label that's been slapped on it. It is Spirit Music...You can travel inside with this music. Some people in the crowd kept hollering "sing". They didn't get the memo that it wasn't that type of party tonight.

I really appreciate Meshell as an artist and a person. While I don't know her personally, I can tell that she's private, she's shy, she's herself...being the best self that she can be on her journey. She inspires me to be ME, no one but me.

Tonight, I realized again that I want the real. No more virtual and fantasy island type bullsh*t. I want what's real in my life. I want that which sustains me.

My time on the internet has been an outward manifestation of the deep desire within me to commune and have connection. While virtual connections are fine and serve a purpose, they are very limiting. It's time to move on...to the real. For me real is flesh, blood, sweat and tears. It's dirt/soil...it has a smell, it has a name. It has a vibration...a pulse.

I know now without a doubt that I yearn for communion. I know now what I must do to have it in a way that feels right to me. I was open to the unexpected and I received more than I could have ever thought to ask for.

Nurture the real..."Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

g-nite

My Offering, My Prayer

This is my offering...This is my prayer
The universe is expanding
The Universe of my mind
There are more and more answerless questions
The dream
The lust
The desire...
all grow fuller as I inhale deeper
I kneel at the altar of the Goddess,
and the ancestors,
and the energy of
the wind of the four directions
begging to be release,
set free from an identity
from a shell,
a skin that keeps me shamed and contained
I want to commune with angels
and pray for their, our salvation
Save us
Save me from mediocrity
Save me from judgment
forgive me for thinking
that there is a destination
outside of myself where I have not arrived
I am waiting for a self
That has already been received...
A work commissioned by the Stars.
Why dream of fairy tales when miracles are real?
I dreamed a dream... musings to comfort myself
Tethered lightly; I must be in grounded
If not, I would become the satellite to your Sun
Your magnetic pull...
There must be a God
that reminds me Don't be the dreamer of dreams
Dream blueprints, plans of reality...
Some say it's a dream, but I talked with her, My soul,
...she aches to be reunited with her loves
The deepest fiber of my being longs for communion
Union...
And in my dream you held me
You held me
and I... contented
consumed and complete
you held me
And I long for communion
aches to be re-unioned
where our Souls join again
becoming one again
becoming free again
Being free...
And I will keep loving them all
each soul
one day you will be the miracle
that I prayed for
your embrace
...in it I am complete
This is my prayer...
And so it is. So shall it be.

Whatever U Want...State It!

Whatever U want... state your intention clearly to the universe. Say it out loud. See it. Be it. Own it. Nurture it. Whatever U need state it, say it.

I'm going to test this affirmation. I'm going to speak a reality into existence, and let you know how it goes. Faith...Faith....Faith without works is Dead! "Say it out of your mouth, don't doubt it in your heart and it will be just as you say." It has no choice! It's the law!

Be clear about your want or desire. The universe will deliver your order, even your confusion. Be Clear! Align your wants and desires with your higher purpose. Will your want and desire assist you in serving a purpose higher than yourself? Will it assist U in being an Ambassador of Love...a Co-creator with the universal life force, Highest Vibration?

Be passionate about your life. "Be happy...Life is short." We are only here for a millisecond. Make the most of what you have.

If you think you got it bad, help someone who has it worse than you do. Gain another perspective and always know that you get what you affirm, positive or negative.

This is my affirmation to myself. Whatever U want, whatever I want...Like a flower in a garden, tend to it. Create the conditions that provide for it's optimal growth and wellbeing.

Nurture your minds. Guard it. Protect it. Feed it good things!

Love...really love your enemies. Do the impossible, and you will see that even the impossible is possible if you believe. Jesse said it best..."Keep Hope Alive." Don't hear Jesse's voice when you say it. Hear your own voice. Hear your own soul pleading with you to give it life, joy and love not only in fantasy, but actualized as reality.

This is my affirmation to myself. State your desire. Believe it. Feel it. See it. Live it.
U define success! U have to believe that success isn't a fat gold chain with a recording contract, or some other career that results in a camara being in your face. U define success. U!

State it!

This is my affirmation to myself!

Thoughts of L

There are more reports in the media about the bizarre behavior of Lauryn Hill, most recently her appearance at Vibe MusicFest, which I did not attend or see any footage of besides online photos.
I did see her performance on a recent def poetry on HBO.

I can't speak to Lauryn's alleged bizarre behavior, but I can speak to my, our expectations of how people with microphones in their hands and camaras in their faces should act and be. We don't understand that people are people. Or, maybe we forget it because we think "hey, I don't have a camara in my face", or "I ain't on TV". People are people. Whatever you have going on in your life, understand that entertainers, so-called famous people have the same stuff going on and, sometimes, worse in their lives. They have character defects and flaws just like the rest of us. They have quirky ways about them. Let's stop having expectations of folks. Let's allow them to tell us who they are. Let's give ourselves and others the option to change their minds, and do something different. Let's let others be who they are so that we can be who we are...judging it to not be okay, perpetuates the notion that we have to act other than how we feel too. I know, I know...we pay good money to be entertained. You want to see good performances on and off wax and screen that inspire you, right? Give people the freedom to be who they are. If you not down with it, it's okay...move on, move away, turn your head.

It appears to me that Lauryn Hill is acting "in public" however it is that she feels inside. She's not smiling when she doesn't feel like smiling, or scratching where she doesn't itch. It seems that she is practicing, simply put Freedom. It seems to me that Lauryn is attempting and practicing liberation. She is not beholden to any public opinion. That's freedom, True freedom! I know because I feel the tension present in my own body when I act contrary to how I feel. I feel it when I smile when I don't feel like smiling at a meeting to greet a parent or a colleague. What labels would be given to us if we acted the way we felt? What judgments would be made about us?

There are media reports out that say she didn't want others to look at her as she entered the building backstage and she wanted the whole area cleared out before she arrived at the Vibe Music festival. Not knowing if that's true or not, my comment ...people can do what they wanna do with their eyes. If you don't want to be looked at, don't go out of the house where others can see you. I don't know Lauryn Hill personally, but it feels that she like the rest of us is on a journey of self discovery and mental emancipation. She is not talking to others in the public which leads people to speculate and interpret her behavior (everyone's behavior) through their filters of experience and belief.

Some of my biggest lessons in this life are to drop expectations of others, and release judgment. My expectations are about me. They have nothing to do with anyone else. It's not fair to hold someone accountable for something that they did not agree to.

My advice to everyone, including myself and Lauryn Hill, is the advice a deceased friend gave to a loved one..."Be happy. Life is short!" It's not an easy thing to do...truly being happy. It takes some of us all of our lives to acheive it. That's not unusual. It's also not unusual to have a glimpse of it and lose it. W are always told to look and act happy even when we don't feel that way. What do you do when you don't feel happy? Hide from the world so the world can't see the unhappiness, or act how you feel-unhappy? How many times have you heard "fake it until you make it"? It takes a lot of energy to fake it, and Faking it prolongs our attaining it.

Do I want Lauryn to be happy (even if it means acting so-called weird), or do i want her to fit into the millions of images people have of and for her (many of which she doesn't know exist)? Yes, she put forth the initial image in '98, but are we who we were in '98 or 2000? I'm not. I always want to maintain the freedom to exercise free will. I always want the freedom to choose what I want for me. If I take it away from you through judgment, I take it away from me.

Just ramblings, thoughts...

There are days when I can't find the words to say exactly what is on my heart or mind. There are days when I know the words exactly, but shamefully, I hold them close. They become abstract picture images that visit me at night as dreams...Why can't I tell you? Why should I tell you when I know that you already know? My language, you have mastered... binary codes, two ...something we didn't make up, but no one else knows... how we connect, how we talk, how we communicate without words across miles.

I'm learning patience. Usually, I want it all right now, right away...no more. I am learning that like wine, U and I wouldn't be without time. And I am still learning to talk. I am still learning to share me. Still learning to Be. I don't have answers, just questions about U. I can't wait to see all of us in full bloom and illuminating dark spaces and places we dare not look or go inside ourselves and each other. I do not know why, but for some reason I don't mind taking you with me to those places ...the places I have not known with others, I have not shown to others. I want to get to know you...I look closer, and I feel everything including the notion that I already do.

What happens to my words? I find that I don't need them when I place myself in your arms which say home... it's pure peace. And I can't wait to see me, feel us there again.

Why is it...?

Why is it so hard to be assertive and to let others know in a non-aggressive way that they have hurt us, offended us, crossed a boundary, or done something else that makes us uncomfortable? Why do we let others think that "anything goes" with us? We don't have to take anybody's head off to let them know that something they did or said to us was out of order. It reminds me of animals...people forget that animals are afraid of us and react in such a way to protect themselves from us. We are so busy being afraid, thinking that we have to protect ourselves from them, that we forget they are afraid of us. I know people who will curse you out at the drop of a dime. To us it's trivial, but the person that feels the need to respond verbally or physically aggressively perceives it differently. Because vulnerability is not an option, they attack. Instead of saying, you hurt or offended me, they say you dissed me, so now I have to F**k you up! That's their law, that's what their constitution says they have to do. When acting assertively we can address the individual in such a way that we aren't doing to them what they did to us. We aren't offending anyone. We are sharing how we feel and accepting responsibility for our feelings. At the same time we let others know where we stand, and where our boundaries lie. If you offend me, I can tell you that you offended me. I don't have to offend you because you offended me. What does that get me? What does that get us? We don't have to operate from places of insecurity and fear. That's when why we react without thinking to protect ourselves.

I'm not saying that people should not defend themselves to protect themselves if they are in danger. Any animal or person will defend themselves. It's instinctual to do so. But, but, but, but...oftentimes we are stuck in danger and self-defense mode when there isn't a threat. We sometimes carry internal fears and anxieties within us based on things that happened a long, long time ago. It takes so much energy to constantly live in 'High Alert'.

If you find that you are tense or anxious throughout your day while at work or at home, take it as a sign that something is off balance. Ask, why I am so tense? What or who do I need protection from? If there is no recognizable threat, or if there is one that you recognize, ask yourself "why am I feeling this way?" There are times where the threats we sense are very real. Some of us have jobs where coworkers and supervisors mean us no good. Don't ignore your vibes. Instead, find out what they are trying to tell us. Is the threat real, or imagined? There is a saying that goes something like this- Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that no one is out to get me. Our bodies tell us that something isn't right. We have to figure out what that something is.

I want to convey that it is okay to trust others, to trust life enough to be vulnerable sometimes. It's okay to not know. It's okay to be less than perfect. Everbody thinks that everyone else is confident except themselves. They don't know that we all wear or took off the masks we hide behind. It's too stressfull to keep your guard up. It takes too much energy to be on 'High Alert'.
When I feel physically or emotionally vulnerable, I say to myself, 'God, Thank you for protecting me from danger seen and unseen.' I affirm that I am safe. I repeat it as often as necessary.

We speak of Faith, but less often we live and act of Faith. But remember the works that must go along with Faith.

South Africa's Famed Rain Queen Dies - Yahoo! News

South Africa's Famed Rain Queen Dies - Yahoo! News

Family

I was proud to see Michael Jackson's family standing with him throughout his trial to support him. As I looked at their faces as they left the court room after the verdict was read, i could see in their faces "He is our baby. Michael is our baby, our blood and we will stand with him and protect." The protection and comfort that they would provide to him would be emotional. No matter how old we get, a part of us always occupies the space/place/position we had as children within our families. As far as my mother (and many others) are concerned, I am still her baby. I know without a doubt that she will protect me until she has no more breath left in her.

After seeing their, the Jackson families, faces and their bodies as they left the court room, I can only imagine that after this ordeal that they have been through together they are at the Neverland Ranch praising God...crying, holding each other, praying, singing. There's no telling how much Michael's mother aged from worry during this trial. Regardless of the verdict, he's her baby, and he is the reason why the Jackson Family IS the Jackson Family.

I come from a very large and close extended family where my cousins are like my brothers and sisters. The men are men, and they aren't afraid to be emotional, cry and say "I love you." Every since I was a child my uncle Leo reminds me before we part "don't accept any wooden nickels". Throughout my entire life, my boyfriends were always respectfull, publicly and privately, because they knew that my family would protect me as much as they could from harm. Believe me...this made a difference...when others know that you are precious to someone and that those someones will go through any length to protect you.

The love of family is so very important in every stage of life. It's the place where our identity is formed. It's the place where we learn how to navigate and negotiate getting our needs met. It's where we learn attachment and communications skills and styles. Family keeps us grounded. Functional families validate us...It's our first audience. I've been placed to have a great audience to develop with. They've loved me, and first and foremost, I always want to make them proud.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, and We rarely learn lessons from the sameness or the changes. Why do we keep talking about learning lessons? Is it because we believe that life can be better than what it is? Is it because we believe that we can be happier, healthier, more sane?

Every ounce of information we need to live happy, abundant lives is contained in us because everything that exists outside of us also exists inside of us. We have to learn to interpret the language of our bodies and our spirits. Our bodies are antennas that are constantly sending and receiving signals. When we remove the distractions, the ways and means that we numb and override the signals we receive then we will learn to hear, intuit and interpret those signals AND act accordingly.

Yes, there are some things that never change. Our external circumstances rarely change because our internal circumstances have not changed. George Clinton reminds us that if we "free your mind, your ass will follow". Iyanla has said, "where you find your behind, your mind put you there." I have personally experienced these statements to be true. I've gotten what I've expected.

There is a good book that I read many years ago called I'm Okay-Your Okay by . It's an older book written about transactional analysis. Since I read it many years ago, I've found that we interact with others to get something out of it. Most of us are attempting to get some need met. It is rare to meet an altruistic soul who interacts with others in such a selfless why that they give and want nor expect nothing in return. I am not suggesting that we should not need others and that we should not expect anything from others. I'm not saying that at all. We should, to the best of our abilities, know what motivates us to do what we do. Why do we attract certain people to us, and interact with others the way that we do? What's the dynamic playing out? What about instant intimacy? Closeness with others takes time. Yes, there are times when we meet others and it feels that there is an instant connection between you. Sometimes, it's someone we've met before...Other times it's two people who have relaxed all boundaries, or left very few, because there is a need there to be close by any means. Usually when boundaries are not present and we've felt instant intimacy, we usually end up erecting walls (boundaries) to regain our sense, or establish our sense of self...The where you end and I begin.

When we approach relationships with a solid foundation and knowingness of who we are as individuals we are more apt to interact with people who have the same goals, or desire to get similar needs met from the interaction. Mutuality is so important in relationships. People must be respectfull of each other. No- one ups and one downs! You know...The type of relationship where you are always the underdog. One of you always has the upper hand. One person has the power and when the dynamics change they want no parts of you because you aren't fullfilling your role as underdog. Some get off on being around others that they feel superior to. While no two people are equal in every way, there should be mutual respect in our interactions with each other. There should be equal give and take. No one should be doing all the giving or taking. If mutuality can't be established, if you can't agree on why you both are there, then there will be some break downs in the interactions. Everyone will not be fullfilled or satisfied.

When you interact with others and you don't feel that you can be your true, authentic self, take it as an indicator that something isn't quite right. There is no blame to place on anyone...But something isn't balanced either within one or both of the individuals, or the relationship as a whole. When dealing with others always know that each party has a right to change his or her mind about the relationship. Sometimes people have the insight to say this isn't working for me...This is no longer meeting my needs. That's not an easy thing to say to another, but it's more detrimental to act it out towards another with no explanation as to what's going on.

I was once told that another person liked the attention that I was giving them. I knew that to be true, but I didn't know how things would play out. I wanted friendship but had many indicators that it wasn't that type of party. I fed their ego because I was into them... giving attention to this person. Like an addiction, when we have holes that need to be filled nothing will fill it. A state is reached where more and more is needed because the previous level of input/stimulation no longer does the trick or provides the fix. I let it go, as I have many times before, because I saw that there was no mutuality. The interaction was not balanced. I, my attention, was the drug. The hit, the high they got from me, was not enough to sustain their habit, so they moved on.

When friendship is cultivated over time you learn each others language and dance. There is a commitment to assist that individual along their path. There are times when we move closer together, and there are times when we move further away but our hands, our hearts are still touching the others. Don't long for anyone who is not even on the same dance floor with you. Don't try to make something out of nothing. Don't be used by others for their emotional, entertainment purposes. As meshell ndegeocello says in Barry Farms from the Cookie album "I need you when I feel pain".

You will not have many true friends in life, but when you find true friendship cultivate it like a garden so that you and whoever who's relationship can grow full bloom.

Why you...?

...look so sad? Act so sad? and then flip to mad when others don't partake in your sadness? Pity parties are no fun, except... unless you're into that type of thing.

Conversations I've had recently with my brother, my sweet brother, have led to thoughts and ponderings of patterns and cycles and rhythms we play out with all we come into contact with. Growth is such a wonderfull thing. It was fun to connect dots when we were kids to, in the end, discover a picture or a character that we didn't know was there until we went step by step...connecting dot number one to number two to number three, etc. Only if healing, life and growth were that simple, that systematic. If we could only reflect on, study and examine our lives in such a simple and systematic way. When sifting through our patterns and cycles, our life rhythms we find mounds and mounds of emotional baggage. And, not just our own. We sift through our parents' baggage and their parents' parents baggage as well.

The need to keep moving, to keep living often influences us to push emotions and pain over to the side so that we can keep going. So, the information/the life lessons that they/each life experience contains is pushed to the side along with the emotional suitcase, energy packet it was contained in.


What patterns and cycles are playing out in your life?

Confucius Says...

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Confucius

I started exercising again...It's been a minute, or two, or three. Yesterday, I went to the pool and swam (or should I say doggy paddled), and today, I worked out on the stationary bike. My goal is to alternate the cardio workout with swimming. Swimming wore me out!

In the past, I would start exercising and then stop. We have a new exercise room and pool in my development. I am hoping that the accessibility coupled with alternating the activities keeps me motivated enough to stick with it.

The quote above applies to everything in life. We can have big lofty goals, but we won't achieve them if we don't start with a "single step". The Law of Process is an ongoing lesson for me this time around in life school. We have to start from the beginning. That's why I am going back to basic concepts with the drums. A strong foundation is what I want to stand on.

Television: Opiate of the Masses | Family Resource (FamilyResource.com)

Television: Opiate of the Masses | Family Resource (FamilyResource.com): "First of all, when you're watching television the higher brain regions (like the midbrain and the neo-cortex) are shut down, and most activity shifts to the lower brain regions (like the limbic system). The neurological processes that take place in these regions cannot accurately be called 'cognitive.' The lower or reptile brain simply stands poised to react to the environment using deeply embedded 'fight or flight' response programs. Moreover, these lower brain regions cannot distinguish reality from fabricated images (a job performed by the neo-cortex), so they react to television content as though it were real, releasing appropriate hormones and so on. Studies have proven that, in the long run, too much activity in the lower brain leads to atrophy in the higher brain regions."

I'm Done

I finished the last report that needed to be done before the end of the school year. I've been so wired lately trying to get things done and off of my plate. I now feel like I can exhale. I have a few more meetings to wrap things up. Before I know it I will be in Ultra-Chill Mode.

The heat was turned up full blast yesterday and today. I think we have one more day where the environmental thermostat will be on high. It feels a little weird to be this warm. I'm glad to see it though. Also, I'm glad to feel it. The days are longer. Daylight lingers which makes it hard to go to bed early. The desire to be outside just hanging increases. Some people also act a little crazy in the summer time. So, be carefull peeps. Homicides are usually up during the warmer months. Everyone use your the best judgment your momma and daddy gave ya.

So, we need a plan. A self-improvement plan. What are we working on these days?
We need lots and lots of exercise and water. I'm taking a class called Brain Gym, or educational kinesiology, to learn body movements that aid in integrating both hemispheres of the brain so that we can be available for learning, living and life. I'm enjoying the class. I'm using the techniques on my self right now. (Not at this very moment) I get a kick out of learning about the mind-body connection. Maybe I'll share more of what I'm learning one day soon.

Maybe I'll blog a little more frequently now that I am gliding into Ultra-Chill mode. I haven't been able to think about too much more than writing reports for work and meeting deadlines.

I'm looking forward to the lull. My eyelids are cracking...they are almost broke. Gnite.

Harmony

I wish there was more of it in the world. I wish that it was more of it between groups and individuals. I wish there was more harmony within our selves. We have systems within our own bodies turning against systems. In the words of Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?" I wish we could!

We can't agree on simple ideas. I sometimes surf the net to check out different blogs. I find that people who don't know each other are arguing and saying less than uplifting things to each other. The color of the sky...we can't agree on. Some people can't agree with themselves.

(sigh) I want more harmony in the world. I guess I'll start with me.... creating the harmony I want to see.

My First Peace

almost new to the world...
I am surrounded
by darkness and sound...vibration.
Connected to U,
I am sustained
all nutrition flows from u to me
I am inspired because you breathe
I am your child unborn,
almost new to the world
but still yours
Or, am I?
Thoughts, sensations
every emotion
broken down
to a chemical structure...
I am love, or endorphins
this good feeling makes me high...
high...
when U are sad I marinate
in the chemical soup that is
that emotion...
Together for 9 months or so
we are literally one and
I don't really know where you end
and I begin
and I start to love me more
than I ever had before
because my job
my task
to facilitate new life is magnificent
I am guide, shepherd
~~~~~

Wow, this is so...dif-fer-ent
These sounds
These people
I'm cold
and these people are looking at me
some smiling
some crying
some just checking me out
and I'm scared
because I'm not warm anymore
I'm scared because I'm not safe
anymore...
And that smell...I know her
she held me, but she's gone
Gosh, I'm tired
and all I can do is think about how
hungry and sleepy and cold I am
where is she?...my peace
Ahhh
Finally...with her again
it feels so nice here
snuggled within and between her arms
when I make noises she comes to me
She makes me warm again
and I feel safe again
Lying on, suckling her breast
I feel FULL again
I'm tired...let me rest
They say all I do is sleep
I hear them talk about me as I drift in and out of my... sleep
So many come to adore me
and every time I make a sound
they rush to my side
~~~
What is this thing that I can't seem to get away from?
Everywhere I go I see it...
and sometimes it hits me in the face
other times I manage to put it in my mouth
but it doesn't stay...it's gone again
She keeps talking to me
singing to me
and when I'm drifting off to sleep
she hums sweet melodies
and I always know her smell...
also sweet
everyday I learn new things
I have these things attached to me
and I've almost figured out
what to do with them
she holds them between lips sometimes
and sometimes she takes off the parts that scratch me
with her teeth...I think that's what she said I was getting
new teeth and early too
when I make extra noises..., she says that
when her rushing to my side doesn't make me quiet
like it used to...
She keeps talking about this thing called a smile
They keep talking to me because I keep doing this thing
with my face, but sometimes my belly aches
and I can't help what my face does,
or what my hands do...
But I can always bring them nearer to me
with my noises
and sometimes when she talks to me
I really try hard to say what she's saying but
it doesn't sound the same but they think its cute
so I keep doing it... trying to say what they say
and sometimes I keep trying to be back, get back at that safe place again
to smell her again
to feel her warmth again
I'm still moved by vibration
and sound
and feeling
but I don't feel the same
I try to figure out
how to do stuff by myself
and while I try to figure it out she's always near
and while I don't know exactly what it is
that tells me this, I feel love.
I mean I know it will take years
to learn what that really means
but I'm not sure if it gets any better than this
and maybe I already know and maybe
everything I seek from this day forward
will be an imitation,
a re-creation of this right here
with her

Copyright © 2005 Blackgold347

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Live Aid in 1985 was one of the biggest humanitarian efforts/events in my lifetime. I was fifteen years old. It felt like there were days and days of concerts to raise awareness of and to end poverty in Africa. I remember Sade with her long pony-tail hair singing "Your Love is King". It immediately became my favorite song. It will be televised as it was in 1985. Check out the link below.

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