I wish there was some sort of device that would allow me to project what I'm feeling in this post because I don't have words to express it. I'm not even connected to it so how can I say it. I wish to go to a place where time doesn't exist. I don't know if the sun would shine or if the Earth would continue to rotate. I don't know if the seasons would change, or if movement would cease all together. I don't know if I'm speaking of time marked by a clock, or time marked by the seasons, or time marked by my body's energy. Do I have enough energy...? I want to play. I want to rest. I want to feel. I want to be content in my mind, but right now I'm not. I'm feeling the need to go deeper within to connect with a part of me that I know little of.
I want to go deeper into study and self-reflection mode...be like the hermit again. Maybe I'm tired and feeling a little melancholy for no real reason. Maybe it's my hormones fluctuating...The human body is a magnificent machine.
I'm going to ride the tide instead of resisting. I don't feel like crashing into any energy waves. Just being with myself, nurturing myself is what I need right now. Communion is what is needed. Meditation is needed. Centering is needed.
I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night in the master bedroom. It's a roomy room. Every time I drifted to sleep I felt as if I was sinking deeper into something...I don't know what it was. I eventually left the master bedroom and slept in a smaller room in a bed that had clothes piled on top of the bed. It was cozy...close...closer to the feeling of being in a womb. I think the feeling in the other room was like falling from the sky when I needed to be encased in womb like surroundings. Maybe it's warmth that I need. Maybe it's nurturance, sustenance, connectedness...the type of closeness where the heartbeats get in sync with one another. Maybe I need to mother, to nurture, to create.
I'm not sure why, but I couldn't come up with a title for this post. I'll leave it titleless...The title can be whatever one is left with after partaking.
I want to go deeper into study and self-reflection mode...be like the hermit again. Maybe I'm tired and feeling a little melancholy for no real reason. Maybe it's my hormones fluctuating...The human body is a magnificent machine.
I'm going to ride the tide instead of resisting. I don't feel like crashing into any energy waves. Just being with myself, nurturing myself is what I need right now. Communion is what is needed. Meditation is needed. Centering is needed.
I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night in the master bedroom. It's a roomy room. Every time I drifted to sleep I felt as if I was sinking deeper into something...I don't know what it was. I eventually left the master bedroom and slept in a smaller room in a bed that had clothes piled on top of the bed. It was cozy...close...closer to the feeling of being in a womb. I think the feeling in the other room was like falling from the sky when I needed to be encased in womb like surroundings. Maybe it's warmth that I need. Maybe it's nurturance, sustenance, connectedness...the type of closeness where the heartbeats get in sync with one another. Maybe I need to mother, to nurture, to create.
I'm not sure why, but I couldn't come up with a title for this post. I'll leave it titleless...The title can be whatever one is left with after partaking.
posted by Blackgold at 6:54 PM
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