There are some things that you just want to put out of your mind. I had that feeling tonight. But as my good friend alluded, we should monitor our expectations of others. There are big lessons in disappointment. Big Lessons we learn about ourselves.

My eyelids are heavy, very heavy. I've had a long day. I may come back to the above later but for now I need rest. Hey, why do secretaries/admin. asst run EVERY thing but get little respect or money? Just wondering.

Me going to bed.

nite

Shall we dance a real dance?
a dance where I hold you close
and follow and lead and step
and feel the~ heat from two bodies
warm bodies, hot bodies
Shall we dance a dance only danced
by those initiated?
where we summon the power
of every God and each of them is contained
confined in our feet and hearts
and only when we dance do they
have expression...life
We keep meeting
and I keep seeing you
when you aren't there
and I dance by myself
to recapture our moments
our movements
our madness
because while
we think we know what we are doing
something else is driving me
something else is driving you
and although we, I have not spoken
it to the wind
told God about it
every piece of creation
knows how I feel because
when I danced your dance
I made them smile
birds sang
flowers blossomed
as I danced you...
and we keep missing each other
but I'm not tired
not now
not yet
for now
I'll keep
dancing

Copyright © 2005 Blackgold347

Looking In

There is so much inside that has taken refuge in me
many thoughts
many feelings
many urgings
many memories
There is so much more that has yet to be uncovered
and discovered...inside
And I like looking inside
because some days a am a gluton for punishment
and other days I meet my grandmother's sister
and some days I need to remember
what it was like to be content
and
what it is like to have everything you need within
There is so much that we have to give up ...release
There is so much that we need to hold on to...reclaim
There is so much that we need to welcome in...revive
And I wish sometimes that I can have it all now
And on days when I don't think and just be
I realize it's all right here with me
now

Copyright © 2005 Blackgold347

Flavor

We have all at some time
or another been someone elses flavor of the month
Our interests come and go
as we backslide, side step and grow
and those who were there before are no longer there
but some stay
some sustain us
and those, them, they
are the ones we call friends
What is...who is your flavor this month?

Copyright © 2005 Blackgold347

Today was a hard day at work. I sat in meetings ALL day today and they were intense meetings. There were two cases where the committee told parents that they wanted to test their children for special education specifically to rule out a learning disability. The testing results do not show a learning disability but there are concerns due to elevated scores in the area of depression on a questionnaire completed by the child's teacher. NOW, they want to label the child as emotionally disabled when the child has clear stressors/problems at home with parents, arguments between parents that escalates to police being called. The child is clearly worried about his home life and it is impacting him at school. Does that make the child emotionally disabled? There is much more to the case, of course. I'm not a parent, but I would be very pissed off if the school bent over backwards to convince me to allow them to test for a learning disability and you can back to tell me that my child is emotionally disabled. If it's that serious, there should have been some mention of it at the table when we were discussing concerns. There are other students who are performing poorly who do not qualify for special education and emotional concerns are discovered during the course of the testing but we did not make those children emotionally disabled...we/they recommended counseling. No ED labels. We recommended that they get assistance to deal with the concerns outside of school.

I get really pissed off that committee members are not upfront with parents. They say enough to get what they want from parents and then parents are caught up in a system/process that they did not anticipate. To label someone disabled in general is a huge deal to me. An emotional disability is a heavy, heavy label and a huge, huge deal to me.

I often want to say nothing because it would be easier for me...I am usually the lone voice of dissent at the table. I take a lot of heat for disagreeing with them and being the odd woman out. But usually parents appreciate my input. If there are concerns about my child that rise to the level of warranting a disability, I want to know about it before and while we are making the decision about what we do about it (to test for a disability or not). I think it's dishonest and misleading. I always try to think of it from the parents perspective...What information would I want the school to tell me? I hate to see people taken advantage of or mislead. I believe that if we were going to consider emotional problems/disabilities it should have been discussed from the very beginning, not after he doesn't qualify for anything else.

I'm pissed off, but I need to find a way to channel it...I still need to be a member of the committee and I don't want my judgment clouded by emotions and reactions. I want to make the best decision that I can make on behalf of the student and family.

venting................. ;afjapoteuf['aoseifu'sdof'aosdufoduf[osidufa'osiduf'asodfja'sodifj ....GOSH DARNIT!!!!!! #&$&(#*$(*#&$ it-shay...remember pig latin?

Peace

I played the drumset today for the first time. It felt really good. I think I'm a natural. Seriously. I'm going to take my boom box upstairs and start playing with CDs and the radio. I'm thinking about taking formal classes...not sure though.

Today was a busy, busy, busy day at work. The day flew right by me. I did manage to get a lot done. I've started seeing more kids. It's great! Today a guidance counselor asked me "what is a dom?" I chuckled inside and aloud. I asked her why? She said that the student told her that she and another "dom' go out looking for girls to pick up. This is 8th grade. I had no awareness of what a "dom" was until last year. She said that the young lady is struggling with her sexuality. I'm glad I'm in a position to assist young people in understanding who they are. I do wish I had a magic wand. I'd wish that everything was perfect and that all the ills of society were healed and that there was no need for social workers or psychologists, but that's not reality. I hope to teach many to fish so that they can eat for a lifetime and not just for today.

So often it feels like we put band-aids on huge open wounds that require much more. I wish that all parents showed their children that they love them. I wished that all parents spent quality time with their children. I wish that parents not let their children leave their sight without knowing and feeling that they are wanted and valued.

In the last few days I have remembered what it feels like to be passionate about my work, aboutimproving the lives and conditions of children. I feel it again. It motivates me to keep doing what I'm doing. I am enjoying it too.

Today

I had my mid year evaluation today. I was pretty good. I received exceeds expectations in several areas, which I didn't expect. The whole meeting lasted about 10 minutes. The senior worker who provided the evaluation encouraged me to apply for a senior worker position. While I am flattered that she sees that i am capable of doing the job, I don't really want more responsibility right now. Her recommendation and encouraging words came at a time when I needed to hear them. I've been thinking about leaving the profession, take a break for a little while. But I felt somewhat renewed after meeting with a student I really jived with and having my mid year evaluation. I've been seeing students more since I started clinical supervision. Seeing students makes the job much more enjoyable. While reports are important, I much prefer to work one on one with students. That's where I can drop seeds of hope and love. I just wish I had more time to see them.

I know I am capable of doing a lot. It feels good for others to see the good in you. I want to give genuine compliments to people. You never know how it will impact another. It may be the positive seed they need to get them over a hump or out of a slump. (P-funk lyric- "I got to get over the hump, we got to get over the hump" I am loving this P-Funk again and again! "when the syndrome is around don't let your guard down- all you've got to do is call on the funk" Endangered Species...) Okay, let me get refocused. But I have to say that I love Parliament Funkadelic. There needs to be a documentary on George Clinton and P-Funk if it hasn't been done yet.

Okay...I forgot what I was talking about but this should sum it up- "Everybody's got a little light under the sun"...under the sun...under the sun...the sun...sun.

Go shine your light! I'm going to mess wit' my drums.

The Stars This Week: Astrology, Transits, Sun Signs & more

The Stars This Week: Astrology, Transits, Sun Signs & more: "Sun into Taurus, Full Moon in Scorpio, lunar eclipse
04/18/05 - 04/24/05

Get ready for a productive month as the Sun moves into steadfast Taurus on the 19th. It won't be all work this week, though, particularly with the full Moon occurring in passionate Scorpio on the 24th. In fact, it's more than just a full Moon -- it's a lunar eclipse -- so you'll be juggling your fair share of powerful feelings and personal intensity.

April 19: Sun into Taurus

The Sun will join Venus in earthy Taurus today, and for the next full month, we'll all be totally absorbed in enjoying the finer things in life -- all of them. Of course, there are other qualities that Taurus inspires, too: patience, perseverance and the ability to keep on going, no matter what, for starters. So over the coming month, you'd be well-advised to pass on starting any project you aren't absolutely certain you'll want to finish -- because aborting a mission becomes extremely difficult with the Sun in this fixed, focused sign. On the other hand, if you need to finish up on a project, there's no time like the present to do just that.

April 24: Full Moon in Scorpio, lunar eclipse

Lunar eclipses are super-charged full Moons -- and full Moons are famous for turning up the volume on all our emotions. This particular eclipse will occur with the Moon in Scorpio, famously the most intense, depth-seeking sign of them all. Needless to say, whatever you're feeling, you'll be feeling it in spades right now. And you'll be more than willing to express those feelings to anyone who even remotely hints at being interested. Just keep in mind that it's easy to take things right over the top when this lunation is on duty, and to get totally absorbed in what's going on internally while ignoring the effects of all that on the outside world. Tough as it may be, then, consider the impact of what you're about to say and do on the future -- an"

Handcuffing a 5 year old

Many are outraged by the video tape of police officers handcuffing a 5 year old girl at school. As a social worker working in the school system with experience working with children who are emotionally disturbed and restraining is common place, I do not have a strong reaction to the situation. I've had at least two situations where police have been called to assist with minor children. I was a foster care worker taking the child for a physical. He had just come into foster care after his paternal aunt, who adopted him, beat him with an extension cord leaving loop marks on his little legs. He refused to get out of the car to go to the physical so I attempted to carry the little guy in to the clinic. While carrying him he bit me in the breast. Once in the medical office he went through examining rooms climbing on the examining tables and knocking books and magazines off of the bookshelves and tables. Some how the doctor was able to examine him. He refused to leave the office. I called the supervisor who advised to take him to the emergency mental health clinic to assess the need for psychiatric hospitalization.

We finally get this little guy in the car to take him to the emergency mental health center. While driving he attempts to open the door and get out while the car is moving. Luckily, I was sitting in the back seat with him to close the door and hold him in. Once we get to the mental health center, he opens the door and takes off running towards traffic. I had to sprint at full speed to catch the little guy. My coworker went inside the clinic to let the staff know what we were dealing with outside. A man in the area helps me carry him back to the clinic and into the building. I had his arms and the guy was holding him by the legs. While all of this is happening the thing that is foremost in my mind is the safety of this little guy while in my hands. I am trying to keep him from harming himself and me and my coworker.

So once he is assessed by the mental health center, they feel that he needs a psychiatric hospitalization. Parents and guardians can transport their children; however, if the child is unwilling to go or puts up a fight they can only be transported by police. In this situation, since he could not be safely transported by myself the mental health clinic called the police for transport. Keep in mind this is usually a last resort. The police officer explained to the little guy that if he was NOT able to get him to cooperate that he would have to place handcuffs on him. The police officer was very nice. We could tell that he did not want to handcuff him. The police officer did transport the child, but he made an agreement with the little guy to allow him to sit in the front seat if he cooperated. I am sure that his allowing the child to do that was against police protocol and procedure. But it worked and he got him there safely.

There were no video cameras to show that he did not follow proper protocol. He got the little guy there safely. If a camera was there would he have handcuffed the little guy, maybe he would have.

I don't have a reaction to the case of the five year old in the handcuffs because I do not know the whole story. However, I've been working with children for 13 years. I've had to restrained them, which I had to be trained to do due to possible injury and harm to the child. Holding and restraining are no common place in the public schools unless it's a school for emotionally disturbed children. I've been injured by children before and during restraining.

I have parents right now who are in serious denial about the behaviors of their children. We have some parents that we cannot reach with no relative or emergency numbers on file.

It's not easy to see a child being handcuffed, but what are the legal alternatives? We can say what we would do to our child, but you can't do what you'd do to your child to someone elses child.

I hope that the little girl and her family gets help. Not only for what she has endured as a result being handcuffed by police, but for whatever is/was happening with her that would cause her to act/react like she did at school. I hope that her parent doesn't get sidetracked by all of the media attention and possible lawsuits and forget about what her child really needs right now...help and attention from her family and professionals. Don't forget about the little girl because while I don't know exactly why she responded the way she did at school towards adults, I do know that it's a serious cry for help. I hope that someone listens to her.

I set up my first drum set all by myself without instructions. My brother was unable to help because he had to get home to take care of some personal business. I started right away when I got in from work. It was serious trial and error. I took the bass/kick drum skins off about three or four times until I finally got it right at 11 something last night. Just about every muscle in my body is sore. That stuff is heavy. It's one of those aches you don't mind because you know you accomplished something to get it.

I haven't played them yet. I don't want to disturb the neighbors too early. I have been looking to see if their van is gone though. I'm still tired though. I may go out to get silence pads today so that I can just play and not be concerned about sound and disturbing anyone.

I must be tired because I have no motivation to go out and do anything. I went to bed pretty late last night. I wanted to finish my project and set it up like I wanted it. I was kind of shocked the thing didn'thave set up instructions. I guess they expect you to know what you are doing if you are going to by a drum kit.

I am loving this Firefox theme I downloaded. It's really neat to have a change of your virtual scenery with the click of a button. That would be nice at home too. I should really do some housework, but I don't feel like it.

It's a little cloudy here today. Lots of fog earlier. We had rain yesterday, which was a blessing. The pollen count on Thursday was 3000. I take allergy meds year round. I must say it worked well because my reaction to the increase was subtle, but noticeable.

I have a few new books...One of them has excerpts from several books by Carlos Castaneda. I've seen his books all over the shelves in the metaphysical/new age section. (that's a trip...New Age to describe what is most often ancient teachings, anyway) I can't remember the other book..oh, it's on writing. I haven't forgotten about the book of poetry. It's still on my radar screen and list of things to do. The motivation hasn't been there. My coffee shop friend says it's procrastination. He's right...along with sidetrackation. ;)

Closer

I rearranged some things in the meditation/almost drum room to make room for the drum set. I will probably need to get drum pads so I can practice whenever I want without disturbing anyone. I really need to work on coordination and stamina, but that will come with practice.

I am getting closer and closer to actualizing my dream to play drums. I have wanted this for as long as I can remember. My heart is smiling. I am tempted to try and put it together myself...I know I'll save time if my brother was helping.

I purchased a Parliament Funkadelic CD over the weekend. The songs are so nostalgic. I felt like I was right back in the 70's. Wouldn't it be nice to Time Travel. I recently purchased a book titled The Yoga of Time Travel. I haven't been able to sit and read it just yet, but I'm looking forward to it. I take it with me every Sunday when I go to the coffee shop to hang out and read. I think I looked at it the last time I was there, but I started talking to a gentleman who has been kind enough to allow me to sit at his table for the last three weeks. We have great talks.

I am so thankfull that tomorrow is Friday.

I am still contemplating taking a little break from social work and doing something a little less emotionally intense. It's crunch time. We have to finish special education assessments before the school year ends. I have enjoyed working with the children/students, but my coworkers are showing just how stressed or mentally unbalanced they are. I have one coworker who's tantruming when she doesn't get her way. The next step for her will be crying and throwing herself on the floor. She is acting like she needs a squirt or two of a Prozac spritz right in the face during one of her outbursts. Eli Lilly (pharmaceutical company), can we start production on that? I don't mind if people act out...we all lose it from time to time, but we usually only allow those closest to us see that. Hopefully, things will get better. Although she bugging me, I think I'll say or do something nice for her... maybe even whisper a silent prayer.

The best thing that I've been able to do is not take her acting out personal. That's where we often get sidetracked. Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements helped make me aware of that several years ago.

"Don't take anything personally." -Don Miguel Ruiz

Deepak Chopra is churning out a book or tape everything two weeks it seems. The most recent one I saw in the bookstore is A Holistic Guide to Pregnancy (written with Dr. David Simon). It looked pretty good.

New Life...This is a good place to stop for now...Enjoy Life!

Almost There...

We got the Drum Set. Next step...Setting it up. My brother helped me pick it out. He'll have to come to my house to help me set it up. The drum set may put my meditation room on the endangered list. We'll see how this goes.



"Walking in rhythm, moving in sound" ...That song was playing as I drove home this evening. I feel so blessed to have been born in 70. I got here just in time to be able to hear music that was really music. Right before "Walking in Rhythm" played, Aqua Boogie was blaring. It reminded me of times with my family, my extended family, which is as big as a P-Funk song is long. We, the children, ran around all day playing and laughing. Our parents were chilling, talking trash, drinking beer...and definitely listening to music. I miss being with the whole family. I miss having my own unique place in the family. After graduate school I stopped going around so often because I didn't know how to balance the clash of classes. My interests were no longer the same and I didn't quite know how to fit in. So, I drifted away to only come around every once in a while.

Today I miss my family so much. It has taken me years to realize that community is everything to me. I am a communal being. I need others. There are so many days when I am alone and it really gets to me sometimes. My immediate family is two hours away, which is nothing compared to folks whose loved ones are across the US or the globe. My only excuse is laziness, and liking my own space. I feel like such a visitor (logistically)when I visit. I prefer being at home in my own bed. The need to commune is becoming greater. I need to make a visit soon.

My brother will be in town this week. I'm looking forward to spending time with him. We are going to shop for my drum set this week. Yippee!!!!

Fun Day

Today is another gorgeous day. I am so thankfull for the Sun.

I spoke to my 6 year old nephew this morning and he told me all about how he scored a goal at his 2nd soccer game. He said, "It was amazing!" Watching and hearing him grow is amazing. I look forward to having my own children some day in the not so distant future.

This weekend Educators get a 25% discount at Borders Books. Take your ID or pay stub or other proof of employment and buy books or whatever else they sell. I think you can also get 15 % off of DVD's. I've purchased several books in the last few weeks, but I'm sure there is something else out there that I can get to take advantage of a discount.

I am so amazed at how fast the days come and go. I want to make sure that I am getting the most out of my days. I want to be fully present in whatever I'm doing today. The best way, at least for me, is to play and smile... Crack up laughing at a funny joke.

See ya soon...

It's time to go "play in the Sunshine"!

TGIF

I am thankfull that today is Friday. I've had an exhausting work week. I think I worked harder this week than I have in a while. The school year is coming to a close in the next few weeks. Reports are due and the window of time to complete them is coming to a close. So, the anxiety levels rise. I need to step out of the whirlwind that I've stepped in to and work my job, not let the job work me. The main objective today is to get some work done while in chill mode. Students are outof school today. We can focus on the work because there are no fires to put out when the students are at home.

Happy Friday

Love

I left my dang CD case in the car, but if I had it I'd listen to this song to lull myself to sleep tonight. If you have the CD, it's the song before "earth". I love this song. I too "believe in things that you cannot see". I'm learning more and more each day to trust the things I know (intuit) and feel...still things I cannot see.

akel dama (field of blood) from Meshell Ndegeocello's Cookie:The Anthropological Mixtape

[Gil Scott-Heron: "Comment #1"]
who covers themselves with the light
as if it were a garment?
who makes the angel's spirit
from the flames of the fire?
laid the foundation of the earth
so that it shall not be moved
covered it with the deep of the ocean
who stands above the mountains
and at your word, they fled,
they hastened away
send the springs into the valley
that flow through the hills
and give drink to the beasts of the field
and quench their thirst
by you the birds of the heavens
have their home
and sing amongst the branches
the earth is satisfied by the fruit of your works
cause the grass to grow for the cattle
and the vegetation
for the service of the human
so that they bring forth the fruit from the earth
the wine that makes glad the heart of man
and oil that makes his face shine
the wine that makes glad the heart of man
and oil that makes his face shine

makes the face shine

i like to watch the leaves fall, last breath
sweet ash from the slash and burn
and lazy eyes from being in a dream
talk to the trees...
please, me, see, be, free,
heed, believe, see, breath
need and want nothing
i need and want nothing

dry roses hang from the bed
nakedness is all around
barren is my soul
i beg to be a child born for Love
so i sway to the pulses of the rivers of blood
that flow through my body
cuz I believe in things you cannot see
to some god is the light
that leads them to believe,
that they see,
and know everything
to some god is the light
that leads them to believe
that they see,
and know everything
but if one is to truly be born again
you would have to gouge out your eyes,
cut out your tongue,
and grieve
and cry like a baby
that's been snatched away
cry like a baby that's been snatched away
sister,
cry like a baby that's been snatched away
brother,
cry like a baby that's been snatched away
to some god is the light
that leads them to believe that they see,
and know everything
i sway to the pulses of the rivers of blood
that flow through my body
cuz i believe in things,
that you cannot see

i believe in things that i cannot see
to some god is the light
that leads them to believe that they see
and know everything.

[Countee Cullen: "Heritage"]
[Etheridge Knight: "The Idea of Ancestry"]
[Gil Scott Heron: "Comment #1"]
©2001 Revolutionary Jazz Giant Music, BMI
Native Drum Music, BMI

Written by Me'Shell & Michael Cain
Father souls (in order of appearance):
Gil Scott Heron from "Comment #1"
Countee Cullen from "Heritage"
Etheridge Knight from "The Idea of Ancestry"
Drum programming: Me'Shell & Cato
Ancestral worship (Piano): Michael Cain
Everything else: Me'Shell

Produced by Cato for 3000 E. Zion &
Me'Shell Suhaila Bashir for Humility Profits

Silver Crescent, Vitamin-D, and Dancing Cells

The moon is a beautifull silver crescent tonight. The sliver of Earth's satelite is barely visible as it dangles in the air like a comma. Nature and the cosmos are so splendiferous. :)

Me and my vitamin-D making machine had a really good time outside in the Sun. I think my face is a little burnt...maybe not burnt but tender.

I saw one of the actors from the Wire today. Everyone was just chilling. It seemed like hoards of people where outside today in DC. The little area where I hang out is really beginning to feel like a community, my community.

My cells are dancing...they know why and I know why but we ain't telling anybody else why. We'll just buzz along and keep smiling!

Sun-Day Morning

Sunday morning, how are you?

I am swell, excited about today's possibilities. Excited about the new person I will meet with my eyes. The smile I will capture in my heart. The wonderfull sounds of spring, of Earth and Nature waking up from it's slumber. We've been in hibernation mode for several months. We've had more dark days than light. We've turned inward, and now the Sun draws us out.

Tonight's the L-Word. I'm looking forward to seeing what the deal is with Shane and ALice and Dana. I love the interaction between the characters of Alice and Dana. I reminds me of a piece, a peace of heaven.

Nothing lasts forever, so let's savor what we do have. If you aren't happy with what you have, with how you feel, who you are, choose something different from what you've created up to this point. The lovely thing about being who we are is that we can pick and choose what we focus our attentions on. Never let your "will" be enslaved by and subjected to the treadmill of habit and mediocrity. Your dream does not have to mimic my dream or anyone elses in order to be great, right or fit for you. We often use money and fame to measure success. Believe me when I say this, while it may feel good and boost our esteem, it ain't shit in the grand scheme of things. The teacher, the secretary, the janitor, the mother, the bus driver...the people who go unnoticed, but possess more Soul and Spirit and Wisdom than most should be acknowledged. No one is better than anyone else. But in our minds we've elevated ourselves and others and diminished the value of others who aren't like us.

COnfidence isn't a bad word. Improve your esteem. I learned from Henry Gregory of Progessive Life Center, one of my many mentors, that as therapists we should always be working on something within ourselves. Our growth, my growth, your growth extends over to all who come in to contact with you, intimately and casually.

Enough writing for now...I must prepare to boost my serotonin levels in the Sun.

Go Love Something/someone! Hug an idea, a tree, a baby, your self, your loved ones... Just go BE!!!!! Have fun today!!!! Love!

Beautifull Day

I love the Sun. I've got it honest...I'm a Leo, ruled by the Sun, born on Sun-day. If you've ever wondered why you feel so good on long, bright and sunny days, one of the reasons might be because the Sun is the source of vitamin D. Yes, the substance added to orange juice and milk is produced naturally in the body with the assistance of the Sun. Vitamin D has been shown to be essential in the body's production of serotonin, one of several neurotransmitters (chemicals) that impacts our moods. When serotonin is abundant we feel good and happy.

Today, my body was a vitamin-d producing machine. I spent several hours outside walking and shopping and browsing and driving in the car with the windows down listening to a live version of Bob Marley and the Wailers and Meshell's Cookie: The Anthropological Mixtape (those two together, now that's good stuff right there).

The weather was gorgeous. The Cherry Blossoms in DC are in bloom and everyone was out and about checking them out. Beautifull children laid back cruising in strollers...(those were the days).

I thought about my dad some wondering what his thoughts and feelings were right before he took his last breaths. I wondered if his plea for delivery from his pain became the meditation that allowed him to transition without fear. Eight years later I pray that your soul is resting in peace, Pops. This grieving thing is like the moon and the tide. It waxes and wanes... it comes and goes. Sometimes you see it in whole and other times in part but you always feel it, some days grand and other days it's subtle. These days I choose to reflect on my dad with a purpose. There are many stories that must be told by many who are no longer here in this realm. For some I am their mouthpiece.

And today was beautifull. I am so thankfull to be a part of it.

The Sun is Shining

The sun is shining here in DC. It's a beautifull morning. I'm excited about all the possibilities that today brings. My work week was swell. I did not have any thing to complain about, or maybe I could have complained but I focused on the silver linings. Each day felt like a "free" day mentally and it, this feeling, has extended itself into Saturday-weeks end.

Peace and Blessings to the Pope and everyone who mourns his transition. Congrats Charles and Camilla- Love is precious.

Johnnie Cochran, thanks for the example of exellence. Peace and Blessings.

Dad, I hope that your progession in the spirit realm is and continues to be remarkable. Sorry I have not communed with you lately. I will continue to speak your name and remember as I play outside today.

Bean, who still loves ya?

Happy Birthday, Little Thomas.

Big Tom, Congrats on the reading. Remember your destiny.

OKay...I'm going to get cleaned up so I can harmonize with Bob, the wailers and the I-three's

THe Sun is Shining By Bob Marley

Sun is shining, the weather is sweet

Make you want to move your dancing feet

To the rescue, here I am

Want you to know ya, where I stand

(Monday morning) here I am

Want you to know just if you can

(Tuesday evening) where I stand

(Wednesday morning) tell myself a new day is rising

(Thursday evening) get on the rise a new day is dawning

(Friday morning) here I am

(Saturday evening) want you to know just

Want you to know just where I stand



When the morning gathers the rainbow

Want you to know I'm a rainbow too

So, to the rescue here I am

Want you to know just if you can

Where I stand, know, know, know, know, know



We'll lift our heads and give JAH praises

We'll lift our heads and give JAH praises, yeah



Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now

Make you want to move your dancing feet

To the rescue, here I am

Want you to know just if you can

Where I stand, know, know, know, where I stand



Monday morning, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop

Tuesday evening, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop

Wednesday morning, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop

Thursday evening, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop

Friday morning, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop

Saturday evening, scoo-be-doop-scoop-scoop



So to the rescue, to the rescue, to the rescue

Awake from your sleep and slumber

Today could be your lucky number

Sun is shining and the weather is sweet


Go Play!!

We enjoy the fantasies that we replay and react to in the holodeck called the mind, but do we really want what we say we want? If you had it would you know what to do with it? Or, does it only have life in the ethers?

I can always tell when a "heady" person speaks. Their voice lacks the humility only ascertained through experience and pain, internally and externally afflicted. -P. Butler

When I use the term heady, I am referring to one who operates from the head alone, separately from the heart. It's easier to intellectualize and theorize when it hasn't been tested in practice. For many years I cut off the lines of communication between heart and head. Nowadays, I try really hard to think with my head and speak from my heart.

When I was younger I thought I knew everything until I got older and realized I knew very little. I've grown to a stage in life where I'm comfortable saying 'I don't know'. The only thing I know most of the time with certainty is how a feel at a particular moment in time. But please be advised the expiration date on that feeling is subject to change without notice. As I get older my vision changes allowing me the opportunity to see/feel through a different lens. I am so thankfull that I did not get everything that I thought I wanted when I prayed.

Mind Rambles...Free Flowing Thoughts

For some reason I feel the need to be close to Bob. So I put on the Bob Marley The Legend Live DVD recorded November 25, 1979 in Santa Barbara. Maybe it was after watching prince and oprah and barack and stevie and jamie and ozzie on the naacp image awards that I felt the Creator's breath inspiring me through the personal achievements of others. I recorded the image awards show that aired a couple of weeks ago. Prince was the main reason I recorded it.

The time I've been here on the Earth has been short, 34 years...not long at all. Each day I feel and know how blessed I am. There are so many who aren't here, like bob, who died at 36 years of age in 1981. I was 11 years old. I had no real awareness of bob until my little brother, 3 years younger than I, went to college, started growing dreads and perfecting his guitar skills. Through his search for self I discovered Bob. We were saturated with his energy captured on cassette tapes and videos and albums and cd's. Together we read about his life and we infected by his music. Although dubbed Reggae, to me his music is the ultimate 'soul' music. It touches the core of me. It reminds me of "purpose". It reminds me that we all have a place, a space, a destiny...we all have something to offer.

In these days and times we manufacture, package and sell that which will bring us monetary gain. The soul is missing. The vital life force is absent from many things today. Not just in music or entertainment, but across the board. We teach children to standardized tests and as a result teachers have to teach to the test. Teaching is no longer enjoyable for many, it's a chore with more and more paper work to complete. The yard stick to measure success is the numerical score or percentage that met the benchmark. In entertainment it's the numerical score of the dollar. The transformation of lives and minds can no longer be factored in to the equation. Teachers now teach those who are already interested in learning. They don't have time to try to capture the interest and minds of the child for whom learning is secondary to the spirit of survivalism-eating, safety, sleep...basic needs and resources that many of us take for granted. So, their not being able to reach the student is interpreted as the child and the parents do not care.

All of us want to do well. All of us want to be successfull. All of us want better lives and circumstances for ourselves and our loved ones. There are many things that we must overcome personally and globally to achieve the success we seek.

What is inspiring to us these days? Are we lacking inspiration? What will happen when all the trees are cut down to build more houses, to expand highways to accommodate the more cars that we drive that increase pollution and prolong our commutes which creates more stress with less time to spend with our families?

Mind Rambles

So, I felt the need to be with bob tonight. I wanted to feel his energy. I wanted to renew my inspiration. I'm tired of "longing" and not realizing that I already "have". I have grown tired of wanting to bask in the light of another and not realizing my own. There is a bit of idol worship that typical of those who don't really, truly know themselves. To know yourself is to know others. I have realized that every person I meet is a different expression of myself manifested uniquely in that person. I can sense greed in others because I have known the feeling in myself. the same for envy and love and prejudice and acceptance. The better I know myself the better I know you. Each person I meet imparts a piece/peace of themselves to me.
I recollect/re-collect myself.

I am realizing how much I love people. I realize that I enjoy very much sharing myself with them. There are some days when I'm not sure how much of me to share. There are days when I can't accept all that others want to give to and receive from me. Although I try not to label/judge traits as good and bad, I sometimes can't stand the fact that I am shy when I first meet others. I guess I can look at is being my authentic self and be proud of that because to be any other way would not be me.

Again, Mind Rambles

I have decided that I will buy a drum set, which I've always wanted since I was a child. My excuse has always been that I have no space for it, but now that I've purchased a home that's not the case anymore. I can rearrange and get rid of some of the boxes that I have not opened since they were packed a year and half ago to make a home for my dream to materialize.

I have always oved the drum. I've been using my hands to beat on things since I was a child. As a toddler my drums were the pots and pans under the kitchen sink. Although the affinity for the drum has been there since I can remember, it would be hard for one growing up in the DC area to not be moved by the drum so prominently spotlighted in GO-GO music. I beat on tables and walls and desks until middle school. That's when I became a member of the school band and played percussion instruments. The band director eventually had me playing the bells and xylophone. While it took me away from the drum, it did give me the opportunity to learn to read music. I remember playing the theme music to Chariots of Fire and the love song from Superman. I wanted to be a conductor of a band. I used straws and pencils and every other pointed object to conduct songs I heard on the radio. I learned to hear and listen to and appreciate the different parts that created the whole. I stopped playing in the band after we moved and I changed schools. I tried to stick with it but I wasn't feeling the new schools band. I also found it more difficult to concentrate, which I needed to do in order to practice. There was so much happening at home. I didn't have the energy or the focus to shift gears and divide my attentions. I needed a lot that I didn't get from home emotionally.

So, I will take my dream out of a deferred status. I have the passion. I need to train and coordinate my muscles. The only practice I've had is in the car, but that's not the ideal situation because you can't time the kick drum heard on the radio with the flow of traffic...The brake is the kick drum.

From Bob Marley and inspiration to the kick drum... Rhythm, vibration, pulse, keeping time when time doesn't exist...timeless, Africa, Ntu-the Universal Life Force

And I wish I could synchronize all of my emotions and thoughts sometimes, but life's not like that. There's so much happening all of the time on so many different levels. And sometimes those of us who can't filter it feel mad. Some say genius, some say scattered, others...ADHD, inattentive type. At some time or another, I've been all of that.

mind ramblings

how much...

how much of you can I get to know

by the characters you type?

how much of you can I see in the pictures

you paint?

how much of you can I feel

when sitting close enough

to feel your warmth?

how much is left there to read

between the lines of the words u speak?

how deeply can I know you

from gazing in your eyes?

Is it ever really safe to say

how we feel?

maybe it is when we realize we have

nothing to lose...



It's raining again

and the drops are big and full and sloppy again

Although the sun isn't shining

my day is still illuminated

from the glow I felt

coming from your way...

we are up high

looking down.

we must have good chi

because our tree

is the only tree of three in a row of five

that's in full bloom

I know this because

her perky blossoms

are smiling at me

And Then...

And then came the rains

The "raining cats and dogs"

kinda rain.

It rained for weeks it seemed,

but it was only an hour.

Still hot from the sunny inferno

that was earlier our day,

steam lifted itself from the asphalt.

Normally I'm lulled to sleep

by the sound of big, sloppy and full raindrops

that pour from the heavens

in their mad dash to touch Mother's

and mine and our creations again.

Not this time...

this time I sat on the floor

with my back hugging the wall.

With book in hand

I reconnected with ancestors again.

Returning from a day dream,

or maybe it was crossing over parallel lines

that separated universes,

I tried to remember the difference

between a dream and reality.

And then the whisper came

saying

they are one.

Hi.

How are you?

Really? Fascinating!

Okay...

Bye

and then the phone rang again

But I didn't answer it.

I just thought of memories

of hugs and kisses.

Not knowing for sure who was

on the other side of the ring

I said, I love you

And I heard I love you 2

as clear as day on

the third ring.

And I never answered the phone

We've been playing 'heart tag' every since

Sending and Leaving telepathic

'heart mail' messages...

The imprint is deep

because every time I breathe deep

I hear my loved one's sigh

The telephone doesn't ring anymore

I guess we're too busy returning

'heart mail' messages

to pick up the phone and dial

Hold on...

New Message