Why is it...?

Why is it so hard to be assertive and to let others know in a non-aggressive way that they have hurt us, offended us, crossed a boundary, or done something else that makes us uncomfortable? Why do we let others think that "anything goes" with us? We don't have to take anybody's head off to let them know that something they did or said to us was out of order. It reminds me of animals...people forget that animals are afraid of us and react in such a way to protect themselves from us. We are so busy being afraid, thinking that we have to protect ourselves from them, that we forget they are afraid of us. I know people who will curse you out at the drop of a dime. To us it's trivial, but the person that feels the need to respond verbally or physically aggressively perceives it differently. Because vulnerability is not an option, they attack. Instead of saying, you hurt or offended me, they say you dissed me, so now I have to F**k you up! That's their law, that's what their constitution says they have to do. When acting assertively we can address the individual in such a way that we aren't doing to them what they did to us. We aren't offending anyone. We are sharing how we feel and accepting responsibility for our feelings. At the same time we let others know where we stand, and where our boundaries lie. If you offend me, I can tell you that you offended me. I don't have to offend you because you offended me. What does that get me? What does that get us? We don't have to operate from places of insecurity and fear. That's when why we react without thinking to protect ourselves.

I'm not saying that people should not defend themselves to protect themselves if they are in danger. Any animal or person will defend themselves. It's instinctual to do so. But, but, but, but...oftentimes we are stuck in danger and self-defense mode when there isn't a threat. We sometimes carry internal fears and anxieties within us based on things that happened a long, long time ago. It takes so much energy to constantly live in 'High Alert'.

If you find that you are tense or anxious throughout your day while at work or at home, take it as a sign that something is off balance. Ask, why I am so tense? What or who do I need protection from? If there is no recognizable threat, or if there is one that you recognize, ask yourself "why am I feeling this way?" There are times where the threats we sense are very real. Some of us have jobs where coworkers and supervisors mean us no good. Don't ignore your vibes. Instead, find out what they are trying to tell us. Is the threat real, or imagined? There is a saying that goes something like this- Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that no one is out to get me. Our bodies tell us that something isn't right. We have to figure out what that something is.

I want to convey that it is okay to trust others, to trust life enough to be vulnerable sometimes. It's okay to not know. It's okay to be less than perfect. Everbody thinks that everyone else is confident except themselves. They don't know that we all wear or took off the masks we hide behind. It's too stressfull to keep your guard up. It takes too much energy to be on 'High Alert'.
When I feel physically or emotionally vulnerable, I say to myself, 'God, Thank you for protecting me from danger seen and unseen.' I affirm that I am safe. I repeat it as often as necessary.

We speak of Faith, but less often we live and act of Faith. But remember the works that must go along with Faith.