The more things change, the more they stay the same, and We rarely learn lessons from the sameness or the changes. Why do we keep talking about learning lessons? Is it because we believe that life can be better than what it is? Is it because we believe that we can be happier, healthier, more sane?

Every ounce of information we need to live happy, abundant lives is contained in us because everything that exists outside of us also exists inside of us. We have to learn to interpret the language of our bodies and our spirits. Our bodies are antennas that are constantly sending and receiving signals. When we remove the distractions, the ways and means that we numb and override the signals we receive then we will learn to hear, intuit and interpret those signals AND act accordingly.

Yes, there are some things that never change. Our external circumstances rarely change because our internal circumstances have not changed. George Clinton reminds us that if we "free your mind, your ass will follow". Iyanla has said, "where you find your behind, your mind put you there." I have personally experienced these statements to be true. I've gotten what I've expected.

There is a good book that I read many years ago called I'm Okay-Your Okay by . It's an older book written about transactional analysis. Since I read it many years ago, I've found that we interact with others to get something out of it. Most of us are attempting to get some need met. It is rare to meet an altruistic soul who interacts with others in such a selfless why that they give and want nor expect nothing in return. I am not suggesting that we should not need others and that we should not expect anything from others. I'm not saying that at all. We should, to the best of our abilities, know what motivates us to do what we do. Why do we attract certain people to us, and interact with others the way that we do? What's the dynamic playing out? What about instant intimacy? Closeness with others takes time. Yes, there are times when we meet others and it feels that there is an instant connection between you. Sometimes, it's someone we've met before...Other times it's two people who have relaxed all boundaries, or left very few, because there is a need there to be close by any means. Usually when boundaries are not present and we've felt instant intimacy, we usually end up erecting walls (boundaries) to regain our sense, or establish our sense of self...The where you end and I begin.

When we approach relationships with a solid foundation and knowingness of who we are as individuals we are more apt to interact with people who have the same goals, or desire to get similar needs met from the interaction. Mutuality is so important in relationships. People must be respectfull of each other. No- one ups and one downs! You know...The type of relationship where you are always the underdog. One of you always has the upper hand. One person has the power and when the dynamics change they want no parts of you because you aren't fullfilling your role as underdog. Some get off on being around others that they feel superior to. While no two people are equal in every way, there should be mutual respect in our interactions with each other. There should be equal give and take. No one should be doing all the giving or taking. If mutuality can't be established, if you can't agree on why you both are there, then there will be some break downs in the interactions. Everyone will not be fullfilled or satisfied.

When you interact with others and you don't feel that you can be your true, authentic self, take it as an indicator that something isn't quite right. There is no blame to place on anyone...But something isn't balanced either within one or both of the individuals, or the relationship as a whole. When dealing with others always know that each party has a right to change his or her mind about the relationship. Sometimes people have the insight to say this isn't working for me...This is no longer meeting my needs. That's not an easy thing to say to another, but it's more detrimental to act it out towards another with no explanation as to what's going on.

I was once told that another person liked the attention that I was giving them. I knew that to be true, but I didn't know how things would play out. I wanted friendship but had many indicators that it wasn't that type of party. I fed their ego because I was into them... giving attention to this person. Like an addiction, when we have holes that need to be filled nothing will fill it. A state is reached where more and more is needed because the previous level of input/stimulation no longer does the trick or provides the fix. I let it go, as I have many times before, because I saw that there was no mutuality. The interaction was not balanced. I, my attention, was the drug. The hit, the high they got from me, was not enough to sustain their habit, so they moved on.

When friendship is cultivated over time you learn each others language and dance. There is a commitment to assist that individual along their path. There are times when we move closer together, and there are times when we move further away but our hands, our hearts are still touching the others. Don't long for anyone who is not even on the same dance floor with you. Don't try to make something out of nothing. Don't be used by others for their emotional, entertainment purposes. As meshell ndegeocello says in Barry Farms from the Cookie album "I need you when I feel pain".

You will not have many true friends in life, but when you find true friendship cultivate it like a garden so that you and whoever who's relationship can grow full bloom.