Movement

Moving on
I realized maybe again
maybe for the first time that
it's time to move on
It's not what it was
it's very helpfull at all
it being whatever it is...
I realize that I don't like what I see
I realize that something is different
maybe it's me...
It's just not the same
or, whatever it is I have no more use for
selfish it seems
maybe...
i expect more from you
but you aren't there
and who am I to expect or require you to meet my expectation
I guess I need to adjust my thinking and
accept you for you
only I didn't realize who you were
who you really were or became
until now...
was it my eyes, my ears, my heart that
wanted to see, hear and feel what they wanted
I saw what I wanted to see
you showed what you wanted to show
i accept response-ability for my part
now knowing what I know
knowing what I feel
what will I do?
what will I think?
what will I feel?
I'm having a hard time with this
because I finding that
I've grown a little more
and you haven't grown with me
and I don't know exactly where that leaves us
besides distant
I'm disappointed
when I should be accepting
This trial of yours
has shown me
what you are made of

I see now that the life you've created is not one that you enjoy
It's one of habit...being insecure
you need others to help you feel okay
while we all need other people
I didn't know that the attention from others is what
fuels you...
Your head is so big,
that it's disappointing
Your shallow
and I never realized how shallow until this week
and what I'm saying is what I'm feeling
and what I'm thinking
and I'm just trying to get it out of me...
look at it for what it is...
I chose to be a participant...
co-creator of a piece of the web
I want higher ground
I want more from my interactions
and right now I only see habitualized behavior
that used to serve a purpose greater than now
it's not happening anymore
I can't related anymore...
Some might ask "are you dropping a friend in need?"
I say, 'no, I'm relinguishing my codefendant status in this co-dependent interaction'
Sometimes we grow up/our/past people and situations
That is okay...
I don't have to hold on
not anymore
not today...

Maybe one day I will be able to answer the question of why I'm let down
by you...
Why did I expect more from you?
I realize that Your silence is not cool confidence
You just don't know what you are doing, or what to say...
'cause what you are feeling doesn't match
what you are saying and displaying
I'm tired of playing
I'm tired of the inauthenticity
The ego
I can't partake
I don't want to partake
I don't want to be used, as innocently as it may seem
The give and take isn't a smooth flow...
I know you didn't know
I just started to feel this way
after I saw you under pressure
the dam broke...
and I saw that you, your identity, is wrapped up in something false and shallow,
but deep and sad.
Get some help
before your fragile ego
literally cracks when the admirers disappears
I'm the only one that sees that something is not quite right,
but you always show me how you really feel
I interpret it one way and you another
and while I don't want to seem judgemental,
I am honest, especially with those I love...

~Just releasing some thoughts/feelings streaming through my head