Melancholy Mood

This month is my mom and dad's birthday month. My dad would have been 64 years old on February 3rd. The day before my dad's birthday, a coworker's daughter died unexpectedly. She was around my age...I don't know the cause of her death. I did attend the wake on the 7th. The casket was closed. Her mom, my coworker, was in such great pain. My heart aches for her and her family. I've felt a sense of sadness every since. I don't notice it when I'm distracted with busy stuff.

Over the last I've been thinking about death. I've thought about my attachments to people and how sad when the day comes when they, or I , are no longer here. The thought makes me deeply sad.

The anniversary of my dad and stepdad's death is next month, March.

I never thought about these things until my stepdad passed... and then my dad passed a year later. I met a self I never knew when my dad died. Lost is the only word I can think of right now that describes my state.

At first I was annoyed by Tim McGraw's singing on the Grammy Award show on Sunday. But then I tuned in to what he was singing. He was singing a song titled- Live Like You Were Dying. It really made me think more about death AND living! ...The fact that nothing is promised scares me, but it's true. That, and the reality of death, are fates I have to accept. It's hard though. I wish I never thought about it at all.

But, I have life NOW! It must be lived. I don't want to waste time worrying about something I can't stop. Although, I'm sure many have tried. I would say more, but I'm afraid that I will make myself feel worse than I already feel now. The death thing is something that really gets me.

I am hoping that this feeling will pass by as February passes.