Long Time
It's been long time...Too long? Maybe/Maybe not. There is nothing between you/me and your/my dream but you/me! And, so often I forget that truth.
I need to put myself in the place, the space where I am inspired the things, the people around me. And there is nothing to it, but to do it!
We're going to get back into the groove...maybe this space will be my meditation, my prayer, my answer...maybe the act of expressing will free me, liberate me from this stage/phase of mediocrity. Like Blanketing the Sun...The light shines no matter what and sometimes it burns. LOL :)
This is a test...just randoms, just acts of expression to get in the habit of sharing again. Doesn't make any sense, I know. Not much does...Like, why did mom, dad, and step-dad have to die so young? Why they not here guiding me, sharing with me, consoling me...why I gotta get all supernatural to conversate with my parents? Pulling plugs in the house and turning off toys, so they won't use electrical supplies to communicate with me...to get my attention...letting me know they are around. Using mediums to get the messages clearer and clearer...In the end, all I know is they love me...I don't need to pay anyone to tell me that. I'm not the first adult orphan...And, sure I won't be the last. Cherish the moments.
And, and, and...I'm gonna find that voice...I'll hear it when I purge this anger, when I surrender this fear, when I lose that battle and realize this isn't a war...I'm gonna find that when...she'll speak to me at night. We'll make promises not to fight until we find ourselves apologizing again.
And, I don't know what else to say, so I will leave it here. The exhale. The inhale. The look. The stare. The confusion. The contentment. The Tension. The tired. The dream...until next time.
I need to put myself in the place, the space where I am inspired the things, the people around me. And there is nothing to it, but to do it!
We're going to get back into the groove...maybe this space will be my meditation, my prayer, my answer...maybe the act of expressing will free me, liberate me from this stage/phase of mediocrity. Like Blanketing the Sun...The light shines no matter what and sometimes it burns. LOL :)
This is a test...just randoms, just acts of expression to get in the habit of sharing again. Doesn't make any sense, I know. Not much does...Like, why did mom, dad, and step-dad have to die so young? Why they not here guiding me, sharing with me, consoling me...why I gotta get all supernatural to conversate with my parents? Pulling plugs in the house and turning off toys, so they won't use electrical supplies to communicate with me...to get my attention...letting me know they are around. Using mediums to get the messages clearer and clearer...In the end, all I know is they love me...I don't need to pay anyone to tell me that. I'm not the first adult orphan...And, sure I won't be the last. Cherish the moments.
And, and, and...I'm gonna find that voice...I'll hear it when I purge this anger, when I surrender this fear, when I lose that battle and realize this isn't a war...I'm gonna find that when...she'll speak to me at night. We'll make promises not to fight until we find ourselves apologizing again.
And, I don't know what else to say, so I will leave it here. The exhale. The inhale. The look. The stare. The confusion. The contentment. The Tension. The tired. The dream...until next time.
posted by Blackgold at 7:24 PM
2 Comments:
So I visited this space last night and realized that you hadn't been here in a long time. I came back tonight and.....you were here :).
Hope all is well with you and your family. Can't believe your daughter is already four. My, how time flies.
Peace/Love/Light
CG :)
Hello CG! How are you? Time does fly...I miss posting. I hope to get back to it on the regular. I can't believe my daughter is four either. I'm so glad she's growing good. I get little freedoms back everyday it seems. Thank you for stopping by. I hope to chat soon!
BG
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