Seasons

I always feel the change in seasons. Not just the temperature changes, but my emotional changes. I used to hate this time of year. Things felt so unstable and uncertain for me. Over the years I have learned to be okay with the insecurity that I felt during this time of year. Why insecurity? Well, every since I was a child I've had major life changes to occur during this time of year. I hated the start of a school year because it meant that I had to be away from my mom, my rock, my security. My parents argued and fought (physically) a lot and I never knew how life was going to be when I returned home. I wanted my mom safe physically and I didn't want to leave her side. Things were volatile! There were other changes that I don't even remember anymore...but that feeling stuck with me. It has definitely gotten better! My daughter's birth and the time I took off following her birth helped tremendously. My focus changed...it reoriented me. I am so blessed to have her.

Today I felt a little out of sorts, like I needed to be grounded and anchored to something. My mom is gone and would normally turn to her to help ground and center me. I decided to do for my daughter what I felt I needed and, in turn, do it for myself. I decided to decorate our home for the season. I want to create memories for my daughter similar to the ones I cherish of my mom today. The time with my mom was precious. I miss her dearly.

This seasonal shift forces me to shift gears emotionally. I go inward and remember that my source is still near and close. I just have to recognize it, remember it since I am the one who usually turns away and not the Sun.