Denial/Honesty

I've been thinking about denial and honesty a lot over the past day or so. I'm working on a case at work... a sad case. I won't go into too much detail in this space, but I will say that we need to share with his parents the fact that testing shows that cognitively and adaptively he's functioning in the mentally retarded range. It's pretty clear to the professionals working with him that this was probably the case prior to completing the testing. I cannot believe that this will be the first time that the parents have heard this about him. He's seven. In fact, I know it's not because recommendations were made to evaluate him previously but there was no follow up from the parents. Maybe they were trying to keep hope alive. Maybe they thought he'd get better, show more, learn more. Well, he isn't... and in the meantime we have a youngster who is languishing in a regular first grade classroom. Where could he be by now if his parents had followed up with previous recommendations? While they've been ignoring, looking the other way, this young man has lost some needed specialized instruction. Instead, he's been languishing.

This case led me to think more about denial and the lack of honesty many of us have with ourselves and others. Why is the truth so painfull to accept? Are we so used to the lie, the untruth that we don't know the truth when it is staring us in the face?

I sometimes take it for granted that others aren't like me. I've always wanted honesty even if it hurt. I've always wanted to deal with what is, not what I conjure up in my head because I've always felt that honesty, dealing with truth is the best way for me to understand who I really am. I don't want me...anything about me to be built or based on a foundation of lies. I want to be solid. I've seen first hand as a child the results of living in denial. I've seen what happens when people choose to ignore the truth and live with their heads in the clouds.

I've learned long ago that I don't have a lot of patience with people when they aren't honest with themselves. I recognize that life is a process, and people are where they are for a reason. Patience is a virtue that I appreciate though. I have to appreciate where others are... My life has been a process, an unfolding. A good one too!

It ticks me off sometimes that our unhappiness and happiness is in our own hands and we don't realize it. Our choices make and break us! Unfortunately, sadness and unhappiness have become the norm and we don't know what happiness feels like. We've never experienced it. I understand that... I've been there. Thank God that did not remain my reality. We have to get to the point where numbness is no longer an option.

If we are unhappy, what is our plan to make it better? We cannot become or maintain complacency with feeling bad, sad, mad... there is always something we can do, some place to go for assistance, for help. I don't want to sound like I've blaming the victim here. There are many reasons why some people cannot access services. But there are many who are well aware of the services. They have the information and don't use it... or can't use it... I don't know.

I guess if nothing else I'm saying that we need to check ourselves... Be about the business of taking care of ourselves. Our whole selves. When we know we need to do something for ourselves to take care of ourselves, let's do it. If you need help, tell someone you need help and allow others to help you.

For me, Stagnancy is the equivalent to death. Sometimes our treadmill, our chasing our tail is our attempt to avoid stagnancy when we don't know what else to do. While it may not serve us positively, it does keep us alive, afloat for the time being. We can't forget that life can always be better... we are all in the process of becoming, but what are we becoming? Only I can honestly answer that for me, and only you can answer that honestly for you. It is a question we should ask ourselves from time to time.